The Storm

June 8, 2011
By Finchy BRONZE, Fort Myers, Florida
Finchy BRONZE, Fort Myers, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 9 comments

It's 4:45 PM and the wind is gusting, creating a symphony of rustling leaves and trash cans being violently blown down the street. As the pressure drops, I feel it in my head, the sensation of relief before the impending storm. I can smell the rain as the nimbus clouds surround my home; it smells fantastic as the first few drops begin to descend upon my body. Suddenly, everything stops; it seems as if the entire world is holding its breath, waiting for the first strike of lightning to connect the heavens with earth. I hear a dog whining as he cowers beneath a bush, trapped in his owner's backyard. The first bolt strikes, sending goosebumps down my spine, covering my body and sending tingling sensations back to my brain stem. The first few drops of rain are heavy, drenching my hair, and as the storm matures, the rain becomes thin, like needles piercing my skin as they fly at a forty-five degree angle to the ground. I'm not sure why, but I continue to stand there, looking up into the sky in wonder at this magnificant gift that mother nature has bestowed on the drought ridden earth. I stare at a puddle, noticing the optical illusion that is created when water droplets splash into a still pool of water, creating a scene where water is shooting out of the puddle and into the sky. This is the best I've ever felt. It's cool outside, and the perfect mixture of hydrogen and oxygen atoms seems to wash away all my anxiety. I wish it would rain forever. The rain is gathering fast, overflowing the sewers and flooding my road and yard. I don't know what has come over me, but I instictively lie down in the middle of the newly formed river and begin to giggle as I feel my head obstructing the water's natural flow. The water engulfs me, and I begin to float down the temporary creek, lying on my back, like a seventy-five year old retiree in the lazy river of a water park. By now, I can't stop laughing; I've taken the common idiom, "Go with the flow," to a whole new level. All my problems seem to have been washed away with everyting else in this fantastic flash flood. I feel happiness for the first time in almost four years. This storm has done something for me that none of the psychologists could achieve. I realize that out of the hundreds of hours I've spent in therapy, I've never broken through like I have now. This newfound buoyancy, like a fisherman's bobber, has forced me above the surface, sending me crashing through the membrane that I had previously created to seperate me from the outside world. My depression no longer restrains me, and I lean forward, clenching my abdomen which has cramped up from thirty minutes of none stop laughter. As I sit up, my body sinks into the water, which by now is an unkown depth, and I am swallowed whole in a matter of seconds. The water drowns out the rest of the world, creating a peaceful serenity. Astonished by the surprisingly low temperature of the water, I gasp and inhale an irreversible amount of water. I feel my lungs fill with liquid and start to drown. Although I've heard people describe it as horrific before, I never imagined it like this. I am extremely panicked, but as my oxygen starved body begins to shut down, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. Even during my final moments, I smile at the irony that presents itself with drowning, being killed by the very thing that our lives depend on. The water becomes darker now, until I completely black out. As I lose consiousness and descend into the eternal darkness that is death, I've never been happier...


The author's comments:
I wrote this short story during a particularly romantic thunder storm. Although the storm was based off of an actual event, it was written as an extended allegory for events that were taking place at the time of its creation.

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This article has 5 comments.


on Jun. 29 2011 at 12:08 pm
LoveMeIfYouDare BRONZE, Lafayette, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have many injuries. It is better not to talk about them." ~ Natalia Ma

I am naturally drawn to thoughtful writing. From the first sentece,I was hooked. I could feel the rain pellets hit me. I like how it is a continuous paragraph.

Great work.

--Renée


on Jun. 28 2011 at 10:51 am
IncorrectlyWired GOLD, Milford, Virginia
16 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No great genius has ever existed without some touch of madness." - Aristotle

Of course, I like thoughtful and slightly maddening writing, so I'm gonna like this. I've always been fescinated by rain, and I liked the odd surrealism that the story evolved into as it progressed. The ending wasn't really sad as it was poetic. The only complaint I could see would be the fact that you put in no paragraph breaks. A wall of relentless words can become tiresome. Other than that, good job.

on Jun. 28 2011 at 1:39 am
musicispassion PLATINUM, Perris, California
35 articles 0 photos 735 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Life is never easy for those who dream."
There are so many other quotes i need pages to write them

this was really good very descriptive i like how they just staarted laughing i love lazy rivers u used my name in this peace see if u could figure out what it is sweet job keep writing

on Jun. 26 2011 at 11:03 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This is an amazing story with great imagery.  Your adjectives are excellent and I didn't find any spelling mistakes.  Again, you should have broken this up into paragraphs, just to make it more visually appealing and easier to read.

on Jun. 26 2011 at 10:24 pm
TwasBrilling BRONZE, Staunton, Va, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only with the falling of the dusk" -H.W. Hegel

"Words are our most inexhaustable source of magic' -Albus Dumbledore

This is utterly amazing! You are so descriptive, without being too crazily obsessive on the adjectives (you aren't creating  alist to describe soemthing). Everything flows nicely, and you use great imagery. The only thing I'd advise you to do is break it up into paragraphs...because that would make it alot more visually appealing, and easier to read. Other than that little thing, this is completely amazing. You are a great descriptive writer!


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