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I listen to you kill yourself

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I listen to you kill yourself, I'm losing my best friend. You tell me you love me, you say this is the end. One more pill to calm you, One more puff to laugh. I don't know how much longer I'll have you...how much longer you'll last. I'm so afraid you'll be gone...so scared your leaving so fast. So terrified this high will be your last. Im more then happy to join you, more then happy to enjoy your pain free-killers, this style you call a life. more then happy to join you but just for one pain free night. The tears and the smiles are fading, deep into the fumes. The fun we always had. Are those times long gone? Is the only fun we can muster a high? And of corse I'll join you, I just want to be close, and laugh at you...with you, for one more night. I just want to be happy in this hell light ride of our lives. As we watch our lives through blood shot eyes. I still feel like im losing you, it makes me want to cry. You say "It's nothing Major, Orange juice, it's not like im throwing up food." Do you know how much you hurt me, by slowly taking your own life? These cuts and slits, these hearts and stars scarred into your fleash...does the pain excite you? Can you see your own death? I'll smile and I'll listen as I weep in side. I hold my breath and smile, as you whisper your lies. I'll ask you about the boy's you've been with, about your latest lay, I'll ask you about all the dreams you have. I'll help you finish what you start, no matter what it is. Your my best friend, to the very end. Wherever life may take you...whenever yours may end...one thing will never change...your always my best friend. I'm afraid to see a casket, laying open on display, im afraid to peer in, only to see your pretty face. So I'll take that high with you, I'll slice that pill in two. Just promise we'll never end, and promise, you'll always be my best friend.





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Me said...
Sept. 9, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I really love the rhythm this has! It's almost poetry.
Gorgeous. Beautiful.
The true gift of fiction is to capture reality.
 
Wharton said...
Sept. 7, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I really liked the begining and the middle, but it didn't end on a good note for me. I geuss I just don't get it, because I have never myself experienced someting like this, but why would you just give up on your best friend like that? I did like the misspelled words, by the way, it really added something. ;)
 
emo said...
Sept. 7, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Wow...this was amazing. I really liked how you character had, the way you descride it may me think of my past, I've been both sides and you opened my eyes to the pain I've felt and caused thank you
 
Liz said...
Sept. 5, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Wow, yeah, ok, spell-check, awesome idea, you should do that =) But I really like it.. It might be 'disturbing' but what about life isn't? Keep writing, and you'll keep improving. I truly hope that your friend gets better. And that you both do okay, with anything life thrusts at you.
 
MD307891 said...
Sept. 5, 2008 at 5:05 am
I think you use your metaphors really well. You portray emotion with a clean, neat expression and I really love that. That being said, I think you could've looked over it for errors in grammar and spelling. It would've altered the piece to an overall higher level. Keep writing, though. You're good.
 
Tweedle Dee said...
Sept. 3, 2008 at 8:21 pm
sorry, but this really distubed me. it was good and everything and i'm sure that's probably how you wanted it, but honestly, that's so distubing. sorry! : )
 
layla13 said...
Aug. 28, 2008 at 4:06 am
this was very touching to me becaus i have a friend like this and it's hard...keep up the grat and inspirational writing.
 
Kiolili said...
Aug. 25, 2008 at 1:23 pm
it was very good and if you took the time to see past the grammatical errors and whatnot u would've got a better feel of the feeling
 
Otaku want to be..... said...
Aug. 23, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Really good! I have never had to experience something like that, but you drew me in to understanding it.
 
TheBlackRoseDNP said...
Aug. 21, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Hey that was very good. It sounded odd at points and the grammar was distracting, but it was really good. I know a few people who do that very thing. Story of my life.
 
Juli@ said...
Aug. 21, 2008 at 4:14 pm
This poem had a lot of emotion. Fantastic job but PLEASE, spell-checking is important!! Yet, on the the whole, BRAVO! Is it a true story?
 
foreverhis said...
Aug. 21, 2008 at 1:29 am
ahh...the story of my life. I played one role, then the next. Our friendship didnt last, though. oh well.
 
miawrites said...
Aug. 20, 2008 at 3:51 am
You're good. It feels so real to me, and I can relate. My friend killed himself in March. I loved the emotion. Great job! Sorry, I should be leaving you a more helpful review. Sorry. But, it was good.
 
EngProf said...
Aug. 15, 2008 at 6:05 am
I'm sorry but i have to agree with MakeArtnotWar. The imagery and feelings were good, but it would be better if you ryhmed all the way. With a little work you could definitely be published if you worked hard.
 
Emokid223 said...
Aug. 15, 2008 at 3:42 am
I liked the story behind this, and it was touching. But.....it could be better written. The spelling mistakes were distracting and some grammar too. I hope you work on it though and improve. You've got potential. Sorry.
 
MakeArtNotWar said...
Aug. 10, 2008 at 12:09 am
I really like the idea behind this. Some of the imagery, and some of the ideas were completely original, but some of them seemed cliche, and I've heard them a thousand times before. Edit. If you want to rhyme, rhyme all the way through, that seemed a bit odd. Also, work on formatting. This half felt like a poem, and half like prose. It confused me. And spell-check, please. But I love the idea. You've got potential. :)
 
Lily Kate :] said...
Aug. 9, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Wowie!! That was AMAZING. I hope you write more. :]
 
singasong said...
Aug. 8, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Oh my goodness. I read this with tears in my eyes. I lost my best friend/husband after I stopped sharing in his slow death - and prayed for God his peace. He is still with me in spirt and I must thrive. Keep writing - your gift could help many people.
 
Poetwithoutknowingit said...
Aug. 5, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Wow, this was awsome! What was your inspiration? I wish I could write like that! I could feel the emoition of sadness and regret! This was good! I gave it five stars! Keep up the good work! I hope to read some more of your writing!:)
 
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