The Murder Trial of Jane, a evil alter ego. This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

May 23, 2011
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
The judge was bent over his Blackberry playing solitaire. He looked up at his court. “Yes?” he asked. “Um, aren’t you going to start judging the case and stuff?” asked Dave. The judge thought for a moment. “OK, fine. But let’s get a move on, I need to get some milk at the Rite-Aid.” He rapped his hammer on his desk. “ORDER IN THE COURT. I WILL HAVE ORDER!!” he screamed at the silent court. “Read the case and such”, he yelled at Dave. Dave cleared his throat and read, “George the Frog is on trial for the 5th degree murder of Jane. He is also being questioned about his mental stability.”
“Proceed.” An evil looking frog entered the courthouse with a butler and a lawyer. A dwarf followed. “Who is the plantiff?” demanded the judge. “I”, said the dwarf. “Who is ‘I’?” The dwarf gave a look that could have soured milk. “I wish I knew but SOMEONE who happened to write my story FORGOT MY NAME. I WONDER who that could be?” He gave me an accusing glare. “Sorry!” I yell. “ORDER!” screams the judge. “Now who is the other party?” “We are” said the butler “I’m Fancy-Man, George’s butler. This is George the Evil Brick-throwing Frog and this is his lawyer, Mr. Evil C.E.O.
“Thank you” said the judge. “Now the second order of business: Questioning People”
The Questioning of the Dwarf Whose Name I Forgot
“First to the stands: the dwarf” barked the judge. The dwarf gets up and stands.
“Where were you at the time of the murder?”
“I was at WALMART buying some pepper.”
"Why pepper?”
“Pepper is awesome.”
“No it isn’t, but never mind that. Why are you here then?”

“I was told there would be refreshments.” The judge groans and pounds his head against his desk. “Only five more years until retirement, only five more years until retirement…”

The Questioning of the Other Party
The judge yelled “Fancy-Man to the stands!” Fancy-Man walked up and stood before the judge. “Tell me about George the Frog” said the judge.
“Ok, he’s evil. He likes to kill people with bricks. He loves cheese, especially American.”
“Very interesting. Now did George kill Jane by the 5th degree?”
“He’s an evil brick-throwing frog that loves cheese, what do you expect?”
“True, very true. Ok, George to the stands.
“NO!!” George howled. “Do it or this case is gone!!” screeched Mr. Evil C.E.O.
“It’s already gone and past the point of return” muttered the dwarf.
“Do it or I’ll HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR SUPPER!!” howled the judge.
“Fine” huffed George and he stood before the court.
“Did you kill Jane?”
“I think so.”
“What do you mean ‘I think so’?”
“Well you see she was stealing this necklace so I threw a brick at her.
“That’s what I do. No need to thank me.”
The judge sighed. “They don’t pay me enough to be in these god-awful stories. “HEY!” I yell. “Shut up or I’ll have George throw a brick at you!!”
“SHUT UP!!” A loud yell came from the back of the room. It’s Jane, the recently murdered.
“GASP!” we gasp.
“Hullo people. It’s me, the evil alter-ego of your pathetic writer.” (“HEY!!”)
“You see”, Jane continued “when George threw that brick at me, it only grazed me. When I woke up, I was in a white room.”
“GASP!” we all gasp again.
“Not that kind of room! Anyway, I discovered the way out!!”
“Way out of what?” asks Fancy-Man.
“This story, this piece of paper. We can join the real world and escape these god-awful stories.”
“GASP!” we gasp, yet a third time.
“Best of all, we can make her-” Jane pointed at me, “-stay in this dumb story. See how she likes it.” A murmur went over the crowd.
“All the pepper in the world!”
“No more jury duty!”(This came from Dave.) The murmuring became screams of agreement.
“You try living with an idiot!!” howls Fancy-Man.
“Yeah, you try sneezing on small animals!” yells Bob, the dwarf. (I finally remembered his name.)
“You try running this kangaroo court!!” screamed the judge.
“GET HER!!!!” They started toward me and cornered me. I thought to myself “Well this it. Those twelve of life and this is how it ends.” Suddenly, my brother yelled for me to come down for dinner. I blinked and realized that I wasn’t in the crazy courtroom, but in my room. I stared at the ceiling and began laughing like a manic. I almost was forever trapped in my story, not because of the characters but because of my crazy imagination.

“YAKAMAH!!” screeched Jane, “How are we going to get out now? She’s probably closing the portal as we speak!”
“I vote on killing her” said George.
“You idiot. If dies, we die too.” argued Jane.
“Hey, I found something!!” screamed the judge.
The group crowded around the judge. He was holding a thick book entitled, “The Laws of Characters and the History of Stories”.


Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback