I've gone through my life thinking that everything was against me. From my parent's divorce, to the hearts that have broken mine without words. I could never find a way to release all my pain and fears until they burst at the worst moments. Those instances I never learned from in the many years they happened, and that's what I regret now is not doing anything about it.
I had the cops called on me the year I turned 13 because a friend of mine was scared I might do something horrible to myself that night. I didn't though, and I hadn't planned on it either. From about the age 11 to that moment in time, I'd put on a mask, that no one really saw through, and I still wear it. Trying to find the real me. I've had plenty of people tell me I fight myself, that it's written all across my face, no matter how well I can cover it up...it's still there.
I've decided something though....I will find myself...and myself is right here. In the writing world. I'm healthy and scared, yes, but I know that in life it doesn't matter how many friends you have, just as long as one of them makes sure you don't feel totally alone. That's why I've ended up here, and I do believe that everything I've ever gone through has lead me up to this moment, and in this moment, I'm not going to answer a police officers questions, or break down at a school assembly...I'm going to be the person I am meant to be.
I don't care who tries to knock me down, I've had plenty of that for one lifetime, and the toleration stops now. I have love where I need it, and occasionally when I want it. That's all that matters. So I take the criticism and laugh through the tears, as long as it takes me to where I'll belong, I don't mind. Please, tell me what you think, I won't be hurt or angry. The truth, a thing I never really told, is now all I say, and I ask you to do the same.
It's not about how you survive the story, it's how you dance in the rain.
And I end up screaming, "God, help me!" and it will come. It won't come right away...but it will. Maybe it already has and he came to help through a person, or in the mail, or maybe even a phone call...maybe.
I had the cops called on me the year I turned 13 because a friend of mine was scared I might do something horrible to myself that night. I didn't though, and I hadn't planned on it either. From about the age 11 to that moment in time, I'd put on a mask, that no one really saw through, and I still wear it. Trying to find the real me. I've had plenty of people tell me I fight myself, that it's written all across my face, no matter how well I can cover it up...it's still there.
I've decided something though....I will find myself...and myself is right here. In the writing world. I'm healthy and scared, yes, but I know that in life it doesn't matter how many friends you have, just as long as one of them makes sure you don't feel totally alone. That's why I've ended up here, and I do believe that everything I've ever gone through has lead me up to this moment, and in this moment, I'm not going to answer a police officers questions, or break down at a school assembly...I'm going to be the person I am meant to be.
I don't care who tries to knock me down, I've had plenty of that for one lifetime, and the toleration stops now. I have love where I need it, and occasionally when I want it. That's all that matters. So I take the criticism and laugh through the tears, as long as it takes me to where I'll belong, I don't mind. Please, tell me what you think, I won't be hurt or angry. The truth, a thing I never really told, is now all I say, and I ask you to do the same.
It's not about how you survive the story, it's how you dance in the rain.
And I end up screaming, "God, help me!" and it will come. It won't come right away...but it will. Maybe it already has and he came to help through a person, or in the mail, or maybe even a phone call...maybe.
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