A Study of Hope

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Be wary of shattered dreams, for they often change their course and stab their creator in the back or the heart. Then one is left with wounds that usually are not fatal, yet leave the victim comatose and incapable of starting again. Oh yes, it feels as though you are dying, but rather, you are left in shock, lying on your bedroom floor, praying to be relieved of the terrible torture.

Yet, somehow, you find a way to go on; not because you wish to- oh no, it is what is expected of you. And after all, who are you to challenge expectations? No one, that’s who you are, just another drop in the ocean, just another person. It is impossible to change the world; you might as well aim to stop the seasons from changing in their due course. The power of one is just that: one. And in a world of almost seven billion souls, that’s minuscule.

And yet . . . perhaps it’s your own world that you must change; there is, after all, only one person in it: you. And if you are the one who can change, who is to say that others cannot? Maybe, just maybe it would be possible to help one other person who-

No. It is better not to take the risk. To help is also to hurt others, and be hurt yourself. No, no, it is better by far to keep others at arm’s length, keep yourself from truly feeling. Let yourself adopt apathy instead of empathy. It is so easy, your mind whispers, so easy to simply let yourself fall away into darkness, to let yourself not care about anything.
No.
No, you will go on. Even though you have nothing to live for, you go on, letting yourself feel, understand. If you experience Love, Hate, Sorrow, Joy- perhaps then, you will finally enjoy life and everything in it, come what may. It will be difficult, yes; it will most likely be the most difficult trial in all of your life. But it will be worth it, or so you think . . . Then the Doubts begin to crop up like weeds, faster and faster, and try as you might to strike them down, they begin to creep over you, entangling you, suffocating you, until that delicate beginning of Hope is crushed, like a rose underfoot. It’s fragile, after all.
Fragile it may be, but it will not leave you to your despair. Instead, it continues to crop up, unbidden. Finally, you decide that perhaps you will attempt to break out of the dark void of your broken self. The Doubts come of course, but this time you are ready for them, and you have Hope to help and support you. The battle is terrible, the costs high, and yet your determination never wavers, nor that of Hope. You defend each other and throughout it all, Fear never gets a blow through. The Doubts gradually retreat, snarling, until finally, when they are exiled from your heart and mind forever, you realize something.
You have saved yourself.





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Roselynne said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 6:09 pm
That's a very interesting look on life even if it isn't your own you are always looking at
 
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