I Hate You

April 18, 2011
You do not love me. Stop saying that you love me. Stop manipulating me to try and get me to come back to you. It is not going to work. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I will never come back to you.

I will not be bought with bribes of books and gifts. I will not be tortured with the thought of leaving my puppy behind. I did what I knew what was right for me, for the first time, all I thought about was myself, and making sure I was safe and happy. I have achieved that, and you will never take it away from me. You have lost, I have won. Nothing is going to change.

What were you trying to achieve by hurting me all these years? Were you upset by something I had done? This is not possible, because I didn’t do anything to deserve that kind of pain. You hit a five year-old. I was that five year-old. How could you hit a little girl, especially when she was your own daughter, your own flesh and blood? And the hitting did not stop there; rather, it was only the beginning.

You rammed a shopping cart into my mother. What possessed you to do such a thing? She was your wife, and you hurt her. How could you have done that? I hate you; I hate you for all the things you have done to me, to everyone around you. No one wants to be near you, and I don’t blame them. You are unstable, and you only bathe once a week.

Why do you keep calling me every night? Why do you stalk me on facebook, so much that I had to block you? And why did you yell at me when you found out that you could not access my page anymore? It is my decision, and I may keep you from it as I wish.

You yelled at me, on my birthday. I was stupid to expect a break from you, even though I only talked to you for two minutes tonight, and only over the phone. Yet you found something to criticize me for. You wonder what possessed me to write such dark stories, but I think you know the truth. That it is you to blame.

I do not want you as part of my life. I want no part of you, which is why I followed in my mother’s footsteps and left you. I left you behind; along with the pain and suffering I have had to endure for all of my life. I don’t need it, I never needed it, and I never wanted it. I am finally free to live my own life, and the least you can do for penance for your sins is to finally let me go. You can abuse whoever you want, but do not try to hold them back when they realize that they can have so much better. And trust me, that epiphany is not at all far off.

My eyes see red whenever I think of you. I cannot count the times I have wished that I was born into a different family, to have never met you. I would not have had my mother, I would not have had my brother, and that would have been painful, but I would have never known you, and I would give anything for that scenario to be true.
Besides you, and your estranged parents that prove the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I like my family. I still cannot fathom what they did to deserve to share blood with you. But they do, and I feel terrible for them. But still I question why they did not speak of the symptoms they had to have seen from you. Or did they just not want to believe it? They could have saved me, and they did not. But I do not blame them. It is not their fault that you were born the monster you are today.

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zero1 said...
May 27, 2011 at 9:36 pm
wow my father is the same way... i also left him good for u be proud and be strong
oopsie said...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 3:37 am
Was it emotional abuse?
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