She knows. Knows what it feels like to have consistent instability, what it’s like to feel as though she has many opposing personalities. She learns to hide her abject emotions in a mask of fanfaronade sullenness. She is constantly embattled between one emotion and the next being stifled in her own fear of yet another sudden transition from one feeling to another. The doctor described it as bipolar disorder, but to her, Bipolar disorder is just a name, a tag in which identifies her as someone different, odd, and unlike the rest. She wants nothing more to fit in but being different is a problem in our convoluted society. The doctor also said that the medication she must take daily will curb the severity of each emotion jumping from on extreme to the next. She desperately hides herself from the surroundings encompassing her. Her frequent errant behavior causes her to be labeled as “freak” or “attention w****”, but the perfunctory names have no effects on her anymore because she is stuck in a lull of numbness. Overwhelming happiness turns suddenly to submissive depression compressing her mind into a hollow of pain, claustrophobic with fear. Without feeling one emotion for more than a few minutes her feelings change yet again. Violent rage explodes from within her, pouring from every pour in her skin, projectile from her mouth. It pours like a rushing river not able to be held back by a dam of common sense. Once it starts it takes every atom of her being to try, try and control it. Flowing from her like an acid, singeing her skin as it flows. Then there are times in which she is unaware of what particular emotion she is feeling. Her mind lulled by a numb sensation that leaves her feeling confused and dissatisfied. Then, BAM, a whirlwind of emotion swirling inside of her like a hurricane of discomfort. To most, her existence is insipid, but to him she is something rare. She is a fragile flower needing to be coddled and protected from the harsh world she is in. What she doesn’t know is he is not much different from her. He is also in ail but to no ones knowing. He is seemingly pristine and normal, one who is acknowledged by the people as status quo but he hides his differences as does she. The doctor calls it Autism, but to him it is a gift. Something that separates him from the clone like “average” beings he spends his days with, but she is much more interesting. He knows of her differences and can relate. He wants not to be nonchalant with his words and actions towards her, but instead wants to embrace their differences as one. They are one. She is the girl of many faces and he is the one who cares for her difference.
The Girl of many Faces
April 15, 2011