Sir Bruno and the Quest for the Chews

December 12, 2007
By Eric Coles, Commack, NY

Once, far away, in a place called Camalhoof lived a brave and noble king named Snickers with his trusty knight Sir Bruno. King Snickers loved to feast and have parties because of his mighty spirit. Whenever any man from another kingdom came, he would have to bring something to offer to the king. The offering would be taken by the king only if his knights thought he would like it. The head inspector of the offerings was a beastly knight named Sir Bruno. A far cry in the distant had awoken king Snickers and he practically leaped flat out of bed with his eyes still closed. When he went to the main hall to find out what had awoke him, he then walked into the fireplace. Thank heaven it was summer time and there was no need for a fire, but the fireplace has not been cleaned for sometime. He arrived in the hall one could have said that he looked as if his skin was as dark as chocolate, with coal lumps all around his body. The king became very irritated and angry that one thought he was about to stick to the floor that he stood on. The noise had been made by the Queen who had tried one of the offerings given to her by a group of visitors. Three of Charleston fine residence greeting and introduced each other to the king. The large man introduced himself as a summoner, who always carried around a salad, but always asked for bacon. A long haired man, who wore baggy clothes, introduced himself as Sweeny a famous barber. The last was a small boy who traveled with the large man but often seemed more like a captive then an indentured servant. The large man gave the king an offering of his salad, the Barber offered a free shave but was soon declined when he said his full name, Sweeny Todd. The boy had a particular fancy for sweets; he offered two bars of Charleston Chews. The king thanked them for there gifts and told Sir Bruno to try one. Instantly Sir Bruno went into a trance caused by chocolaty and marshmallow goodness. The king retired to his chambers and told Sir Bruno that he would eat the other tomorrow. It taunted him every second afterwards and clouded his mind like an addictive vice. The pain of knowing he could take just a little bite and the king would not notice dawned on him. Very slowly had he touched the Charleston Chew, then the smell of chocolate filled the air and he went wild. He devoured the candy in a heart beat and had gone crazy for more, until he had realized what he had done. His friend Sir Pillsbury walked in and told him what to do, “You need to go off on a quest to find more, journey to Charleston and find some of their famed chews. But be warned, if you do not return by nightfall of next day then the king will know what you have done.”

Off he went a hoarse back threw the Quaker forest, in it he battled oatmeal monsters the size of hills. After leaving the Quaker forest he rode all the way to the town of Caddy Shack. He found a place to sleep at a local cottage in the center of town called the love shack cottage. The owner Mr. Twix, lived with a lovely young wife had said to Sir Bruno “Please great knight honor me by staying the knight in my home.” Sir Bruno accepted this and put his honor on the line. He had lain on a straw bed filled with bed bugs and often heard bunnies moving under the floor board. Suddenly he gazed at the hole in the wall in his room; noises were coming from Mr. Twix’s room and became louder and louder. Soon the whole cottage became filled with these sounds and shocked Sir Bruno. At first it sounded like a hoarse, but then it turned into what could describe the sounds of satanic tongue. He ran for the door to try to escape, but the he saw a rainbow come pass the door. Quickly he took his two fingers, whistled, ran and jumped straight into the wall. His hoarse stood ready and he quickly rode far away and constantly hearing a noise that sounded like a cry for help.
He had made his way to the kingdom of Charleston by sunrise, it was a very beautiful kingdom with high walls and armed guards. He stated his business to the guard at the gate, telling him that he had come from the kingdom of Camalhoof to buy some Charleston Chews. Very pleased to meet Sir Bruno, the guard escorted him to the factory where he met the owner. The owner gave Sir Bruno a tour, but told him not to disturb the workers, because they are very sensitive about their size. The very tiny giant workers, with dark orange skin and curly hair had a constant eye on Sir Bruno. Sir Bruno went about the factory but then he got loss, he had asked a worker where he could find the exit and the worker told him over in the corner by the secret ingredient. Sir Bruno using his wits quickly thought that if he could take the secret ingredient he can make his own Charleston Chews, becoming wealthier than a king. He quickly moved himself around the workers and grabbed a bag of the secret ingredient, not knowing that he stood out among everyone else because of his suit of armor. Instantly the angry workers had chased him left and right and he started smashing, bashing, and slashing his way to the counter to purchase the Chews that he needed to complete his quest.
When he finally got to the counter they charged 500 times more than normal because of his costly attacks on the workers. Having no way to pay for it he gave up, going back to his hoarse and sitting down on the curb. Sad and ashamed, he looked down upon himself and heard the sound for help. Once more he had heard the cry for help, now knowing that it was real and in his head he looks down closely at his hoarse and spotted a trampled leprechaun stuck to the bottom of the hoarse. Taking a second to think, he takes the leprechaun by its crushed legs and shakes him not once but four times. Clink, clink, clink out comes 200 pieces of gold more than enough to pay for the Charleston Chews. Sir Bruno had made it back on time with the Chews which he sought and gave it to king Snickers. He had lived to fight another day and though self centered, he still got the king the Charleston Chew in the end.

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