She sat upon the curb, watching as the people walked by her. Some, smoking their cigarettes, coughed in her pale face, a nasty phlegm sound rising in their throats. Disgusting, she thought. She shook her head as the smokers passed her, leaving their footprints within the snow that covered the edge of the sidewalk. She reached her foot out and disprinted their footsteps with the tips of her bare toes. The sick color of purple engulfed her feet, but she could not feel the pain. Her whole body was numb. She reached up and brushed her hair back behind her ear. Her hair had become very unruly lately, for she did not see a good reason to cut it. Why look beautiful, when you have no one to look beautiful for? She was once considered as lovely and kind hearted as they came. But now, as she sat on the side of the sidewalk, she felt the emptiness showing on the outside of her body. The snow fell into her hands as they lay, palms facing up, on her bony knees. The snow melted, which showed that she still had a little bit of heat left in her body. She pulled one of her hands to cross her emaciated stomach. Her ribs could be felt, even through her shirt. She liked the feeling of being this skinny. She smiled to herself, her cracked lips splitting even more. She could feel the corners of her mouth rip apart from each other, as the sores grew bigger. She settled her mouth back into a straight line, so the blood wouldn't drip down her face, as it always seemed to do. She brought her bony finger up to touch her lips. She pulled it back, and her fingertip revealed the crimson color of fresh blood. She wiped the blood onto her jeans and simply sat there, letting her mouth bleed. She looked down at the sidewalk. Its cracked concrete poured on for miles and miles down the road. People stepped on the cracks, their minds elsewhere. She somewhat envied them. They could think about whatever pleased them. Maybe she shouldn't be saying this. For all she knew, one of them had it much worse than herself. One man passed, a crazed look in his dark, dilated eyes. His staggering walk was slow as he put his hands out in front of him to keep his balance. He stopped every ten seconds or so to stare at the concrete, as though its cracks would personify and wrap him in their warmth. He carried a jacket with him, but didn't seem to think to even put it on. His arms were turning a deep purple, a sign of freezing. The man began to walk again, laughing at himself. Or perhaps he was laughing at something that she could not see. She knew what he was on. A hallucinogen. She saluted him off as he passed her, smiling to himself. She laughed as he stumbled and fell into the inch deep snow. That man is out of his mind, she thought, perhaps literally. She looked up at the night sky, as though his mind was up there, watching everything from above. She waved up at the stars, most likely appearing crazy to anyone who passed. But she doubted that anyone was watching her. What was she to them? Probably just another ugly girl, sitting outside her apartment on a snowy night. She smirked, not caring about the sores around her mouth. If only they knew who she was. If only they knew what she was thinking. She watched as a couple passed her, holding hands, their breath showing in the freezing air. They looked at each other with such "love". Lust, she thought to herself, All love is really lust. Love does not exist, at least not inside of her mind. Sure, at one point in time, she believed in the fantasy fairy tale of falling in true love with her Prince Charming. But everywhere she looked, she saw ugly frogs, sex addicts, and alcoholics. Prince Charming my a**, she considered. She wished them luck with their lustful relationship as they slowly passed her, too involved thinking about each other to even notice her. Have fun with your lives; they'll be hell soon, she thought. The numbness of her body was beginning to turn into a slow burning pain. She looked down at her arms. They were shaking rather violently. Time to go in. See you tomorrow, you sorry, pitiful world. She laughed at her thoughts and rose to her feet. That's when someone finally noticed her. Across the street, a man in a heavy coat was staring at her. His dark brown hair was illuminated by the dull light of the lit cigarette hanging from his bottom lip. She saw his shoulders shaking as he laughed heavily. She wrapped her coat around what was left of her body. She turned around and went inside, forgetting about her former love. Her former Prince Charming. The man that was now just another drug addict.
April 12, 2011