How to Woo a Woman in the Stone Age

April 7, 2011
By , Lambertville, NJ
Landing a woman in the Stone Age is no easy feat. Between fleeing from the two-foot long fangs of a saber tooth tiger and competing with the biggest, burliest hunters in the village for women, there really is no hope for the little guy. But fear not, my friend, years of failure end now.
Despite adversity, a man in the Stone Age is a determined sort of fellow, braving death and maiming to claim his allusive prize. The first step to wooing a perspective woman is to find a nice club, something hefty, something that has weight to it, but not so heavy as to permanently damage the mental faculties of that special someone.
Now that you have your club, one that isn’t too heavy or isn’t too light, but just right, your off to find that seductive cave woman that makes your heart throb. When scoping out that special someone look for a small petite girl, ideally a shy girl that doesn’t look like she has a lot of fight in her. If you have your eye on a girl that is larger than you or looks like she has a fire in her eye, be forewarned, your plan may backfire and end in disaster (i.e. you might have your club turned against you).
Now that you have a girl in your sights, stealth is key. Open confrontation may lead to embarrassment as she may fight and, judging by the fact that you are reading this guide, inevitably win. Keeping this in mind plan your endeavors around a large social event, probably a party celebrating the manliness and hunting prowess of one of those other guys, but what you lack in physical prowess you make up for in planning.
With club in hand and stealth skills honed, you’re ready to go on the prowl! Sneak up on that special someone as she is engrossed in the festivities, give her a swift bonk on the head with the club you so painstakingly chose, and drag her back to your hut. Congratulations my friend, you’ve successfully “wooed” your first woman!





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