Closing my eyes, I see a woman. She has blonde hair just like mine and our laughs are identical. When she sees me, she smiles and says have a good day at school. But when I open my eyes and look around she is gone. And all I see is a crystal glass vase and where it used to be full of color is now a wilted rose. But I close my eyes ,take a deep breath and think of when she used to play in the back yard with me, sing to me about blue birds and when she would always tell me about how much she loved me. This was before she would take the white pills from the white and blue bottle every day. This is before she would cry all morning before she took me to school. But now that she’s gone I just walk to school with my eyes closed and my thoughts drowned with pictures of her and the sound of her voice. When I get to school it’s always the same people asking questions. Like “why I walk and why she doesn’t come to pick me up”. I just say that she is sick and can’t come. They don’t know what happened and they can’t ever find out, otherwise they will take her. She has only been gone 3 days and she just lays in her bed all alone and she is cold and limp. I try and see if she will come back but she doesn’t. Now I miss the days when she’d sing me my lullaby and kiss me good night. Yet now I have to sing myself ”tick tock father time knocks and says good night sleep tight I will love you forever- my little brother” and I always cry when I’m done singing my lullaby because she is no longer with me. Now I think about the morning I found her still asleep in her bed and the white and blue bottle empty where it was just under her hand. I tried everything I could to wake her up but it didn’t work. Now I’m alone except when I close my eyes. Today is the fourth day and today my mom has come home. When I get home from school my mom is in Cecelia’s room crying and crying. I tell mom that Cecelia is just sleeping but my mom looks back at me and yells you did this to her, you’re the one who killed my wonderful daughter! You are no son of mine! Now go leave get out. Right then I look into her bright angry blue eyes the same eyes I have and cry, run and hide in the closet. I think somebody hears the yelling because someone rings the door bell. My mom goes to the door and says that her daughter is dead. She says she has to take her out of the house. When I hear that I run out of the closet and say that she isn’t taking my big sister anywhere. Even with the person watching, my mom grabs my hair and holds me over the top of the stairs and says now say that again you little brat! I’m crying and saying mommy don’t but the person at the door has already called the police and just as my mom lets go of my hair and I start to fall .The police come into my house. They are yelling at my mom but I can’t understand what they are saying. I’m getting sleepy and my head hurts. I feel warmth and someone has picked me up. I think they have green eyes just like my sisters. It’s a man though because he has a deep voice I don’t know what he’s saying but he has brown hair and a pretty smile but it’s a sad smile. As he carries me out of my house I have to keep asking “Is she singing with the angels? Is she singing with the angels?”I start to cry and I ask one more time “Is she singing with the angels?” And he says “yes she is singing with the angels”.
Closing my eyes
March 14, 2011