Hands in Pants Help

November 10, 2007
By Puneet Passi, Bhopal, ZZ

Someone said ‘all good things come to an end’, but in my life the good things never came and the bad things never ended.

To tell you the first time I ever met Sarthak and Mihir is quite difficult.

I met Sarthak in the 5th standard. Full of attitude-that’s Sarthak for you. When I first saw him in 5th I called him a bull. He isn’t exactly a bull but then I never say the exact. An 80 percent in exams boy like me he was always the first to answer in the English lecture that’s why I despised him for the next three years to come.

Mihir, now what can I say about this boy. Opposite of Sarthak in every sense, no attitude, ultra-thin but still a 1st rank in the class to show. I met this quiet guy in the 8th standard. Always seated on the middle seat of the middle row this guy never made a sound for the whole year except the occasions when he was applauded for his 90 percents.

In life meeting is very different from noticing. I met these two blokes numerous times but never noticed them till the fourth day of our 9th standard.

I woke up at my usual time and after dry-cleaning myself, I found that I had only one clean underwear to wear and that too an old and tight one. I always feel uneasy when I wear tight under wears and itching starts to creep up to my crotch.

I took that out of my mind and after dressing up, raced to the school on my cycle. On the way to my school or hell anything you can say I always take a detour to steal a glance at the girls standing at the bus stops. A good view is very essential to start a bad day.

That day a seminar on Personality Development was being held in our school for the 9th and 10th classes. As ours is a boy’s school we only have one thing to do during the seminar and that is to snore hard and loud. Only toppers would keep their eyes open and listen and take useless notes. I don’t know what they do with those useless notes; use them as toilet papers I think. But afterwards I learnt that they make the notes only to impress their dumb teachers.

‘Form a straight line, I don’t want the principal to see you scattered here and there’ shouted our class teacher after taking our attendance. ‘And don’t break the line till you reach the auditorium for the seminar’

‘She thinks that we are a bunch of 5 year-old children’ said a boy in front of me.

‘Nope she thinks that we are a bunch of 50 year-old drunkards’ said I.

So we crawled to the Auditorium, the only building in our school which wasn’t in ruins. When we reached the main hall the front seats and back seats were taken by the studious and stupid seniors respectively. So I had to satisfy myself from only the middle seat. I tried to reach other friends of other sections but most of the seats around them were occupied. So for the first time in the auditorium I sat without my friends.

As soon as we sat on the seats or hard floor whatever you can say, I felt itching around my crotch. I controlled that feeling for five minutes and till then the lecturer arrived.

As soon he completed his introduction full of stupid degrees and useless experience I felt a huge urge to scratch around my crotch area and this time I opened my buckle of the pant and my hand went to the restricted area.

‘There it goes’ a voice said.

‘What?’ I turned around and saw Sarthak grinning at me in a mischievous way from the row above me to the right side.

‘So how was it?’ he asked.

‘What?’ I asked again even though I knew but you have to pretend in some pressure situations otherwise you are gone.

‘Yuck you are so dirty and unhygienic’ another voice from Sarthak’s row but this time from the right side.

‘What?’ third time in one minute. I was just bewildered that I was caught itching my private areas and that too by two people. What do these people have to do with my private areas and why were they making such a big deal about it. Don’t they ever scratch their crotch or are they genital free?

‘Well you like to keep to yourself warm by keeping your hands in your pants, I think so. But it is summer approaching and the temperature is not also too low’ Sarthak sneered at me.

‘Ya tell what you were doing with your hands in your pants’ the same voice from the right side.

I turned right to find Mihir having an irritated look on his face. Well these toppers they pretend so much. I think they are eunuchs or something, don’t they know what a man does with his hands in his pants.

I wanted to say that I was finding my lost toffees in the interior of my pants but instead I said ‘I just felt tight in my interiors dude, what say?’

‘I don’t think so’ Mihir again.

‘Then why are you asking, wanting to learn about the human excretory system in the ninth standard only.’ I retorted.

‘Well Puneet I think that you were doing something dirty’ Sarthak this time.

‘You think too much bull. Just keep that stupid mind of yours for solving your chemistry equations. It will help you a…’ I was interrupted by a nudge at my back and to my horror I saw the senior school captain asking us to come after him.

I was confused at first but then I felt that there was too much silence in the auditorium and we three were a lot of noise if we go by the pitch of our voices.

‘What the hell were you doing you three? You explain yes the fat one.’ The senior asked us. I think he was in 12th, body like that full of muscles and shaven face. He has to be in 12th. But that wasn’t my concern at that moment as I saw Sarthak starting to tell his account of the story to the senior student.

‘Sir’ he said. I was bewildered, how he can say that word to a stupid senior who didn’t know anything except to torment his juniors. I didn’t even say that word to my male teachers. But everything Sarthak says has some intention so I wasn’t that worried.

‘I was just sitting there when these two class mates of mine started to bicker at each other. I was sure that they would create a scene and spoil the brilliant mood of the lecture so I asked them to stop shouting at each other but they were unstoppable so I was forced to use my vocal cord. I am sorry but I just wanted to help.’ said Sarthak in a very serious tone.

For the second time in the day, I was bewildered. Sarthak lied for himself. I knew that he was that self obsessed guy but not a liar. I thought he had too much pride in him to lie in such a situation. But he had done the damage for us.

‘You dumb or something. Because of you stupid students, seniors like us get the disciplinary charges from the Principal.’ He shouted at us.

I was really getting irritated, first by Sarthak and now this stupid senior.

‘F*** your disciplinary charges. Just shut up.’ I regretted the words as soon I said those.

The senior stared at me. He had a blank expression; he wasn’t able to swallow what I had just said now. I think he was never told such words by any junior till now. And I started to get scared of him. I thought he would hit me but he just grabbed my collar and said, ‘Just meet me after the school gets over, you two also’ he pointed his finger at Sarthak and Mihir as went away to the other side of the auditorium.

I sat on the place where he left us and was just thinking the consequences of my actions when Sarthak chipped in his clever thought.

‘I think Puneet is mad or something. First you keep your hands in your pants and then say those f… words to the senior. You got big trouble with you dude, and you also involved us.’ As soon as he said that I wanted to hit him but then I didn’t want to fight with two giants in one day.

‘You first lied to him Sarthak; I didn’t expect that from you. You got me kicked up and in a temper I said that to him. I still wonder how I managed to tell him that.’

‘You will get me beaten you two’ Mihir squeaked for the first time in ten minutes.

‘Shut up’ I said but I was already feeling sorry for him as he had done nothing. Because of Sarthak we were all in trouble. If he hadn’t told the false story to save his neck, I wouldn’t have abused the senior but still I have a knack of accepting my mistake so easily.

‘I think when we go out today after the school, we will stick together and not leave each other. Then he won’t be able to harm us that well.’ I said.

‘I think Puneet is right’ Sarthak this time.

‘Okay’ agreed Mihir.

So we stuck together for the whole seminar but never uttered a word. When the seminar was over we went to collect our bags and after the assembly we went towards the gate. First time in my school life I wasn’t happy to leave the security of the school or the scholar’s jail as I called it.

Just before the closing prayer of the school, Sarthak came up with an idea.

‘Hey Puneet you wanna be saved today’ Sarthak said.

‘Ya who of the three of us doesn’t want to be saved today’, I said.

‘Speak for yourself dude’

‘Of course I want to be saved today. I can’t see myself becoming pasta by the hands of the senior. These seniors are really f***ers. Don’t they have any work, other than to churn up their juniors?’

‘Well stop saying that f… word and listen to me.’

‘Okay, start barking’ I said angrily.

Ignoring me he started, ‘well Puneet
as soon as you see the senior just tuck your hands in your pants and when he starts to come very near just shake your hands vigorously in the pants. I think he will be impressed with your hygiene and will not come near us, let alone try to churn us.’

‘You mad or something. Haw can you even imagine that I will go outside of the school with my hands in pants. I don’t wanna display to all the boys that I sometimes keep my hands in pants.’ I shouted at him but somewhere inside, my brain was agreeing with him.

‘Your choice dude, you have to save your neck not me.’ He replied.

After the prayer we moved on in the herd of the students. I was beginning to feel brave as I went closer to the gate. You know what whenever I am in fear or something I feel an urge of braveness inside, a bubbling feeling which mostly gets inflated when I face the danger.

As soon as we got out of the gate the senior was already waiting for us on his bike. He was looking very pleased with himself, but as soon as he saw us he turned grim and started to come towards us in long strides. I was afraid at first but in a matter of second I don’t know which part of my body urged me to do it, I tucked my hands in my pants.

‘Cool, keep up the good work dude’, Sarthak encouraged me.

I did as Sarthak told me to do. I shook my hand in my pants but the senior still was coming towards us. Well I could feel Mihir shaking besides me. Really he was a coward but I was proved wrong on that part in the later part of my life. He was really coming close and I knew that a few hits were reserved for me specially and when he saw where my hands were, he laughed out loud and said, ‘Please take out your hands from that area, I want to kick you only there.’

‘Got the better of me this time, but I will see you all’ he spitted at us. Mihir mimicked my act of the hands in pants and the senior went away irritated once again.

‘Puneet take out your hands and reach out for his face and try to touch his lips with your hands’, Mihir cried. I couldn’t believe it was Mihir who said and then in an instant when the senior came close; I reached out tried to touch his lips but only managed to touch his small chin. Well he backed as he had seen a wolf and as he backed, he went off-balance and fell in front of the gate. At the same our physical education teacher came to the scene, I mean he was leaving from the main gate to get to his home. He called us and asked for the explanation when the senior complained. Well we said in unity that he was threatening to beat us if we didn’t give him a part of our lunch. Well the idea was feeble but it always worked with these kind hearted dumb teachers. It worked and when the teacher was gone, the senior turned towards us. The senior was called to the principal.

‘Well I don’t think he will ever come again near you or us.’ Sarthak said.

‘Ya I also think so. Even if he tries to harm you just tuck your hands in the pants.’ I laughed.

So from that day we spent most of the time in the school together until… but why am I telling you this now. You must be waiting for the story to end. But I tell you one thing, sometimes in life hands in pants help you.

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