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Swimming with no air.

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I wanted to jump, to end it all. I was tired, so so tired. I wanted to forget the car... the crash… her screaming… and the silence that followed… They said it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t… That she was drinking… that she was in the wrong lane. B-but I knew, I knew if I had watched, looked up for even a second… She wouldn’t be dead. My legs felt so wobbly, I felt so sick, like I couldn’t move…but I walked anyway, I went to the one place I felt safe, free... The bridge. ..I stood there in the rain. Watching the water… I climbed on the edge, sitting there trying to forget. I remember the rain pouring then, so fast… I looked down again, at the water right below me. I stood ready to jump… but I was going to chicken out... Leave and back away. But I wouldn’t. I was about to jump when I heard it. Screams of terror. I looked up to see where the screaming was coming from and then I saw her, she was standing by her car, purchases in hand. I closed my eyes. I stood there a while just waiting for the silence to come. But all I could hear were the sirens, screaming into the night’s cold air. I called out to her telling her I would be all right now. I felt the freedom coarse threw my veins, saw her face contort into fear. But I told her it was okay now, that I felt so free, so light and happy. I tuned everything out again, her pleas… everything. Now I only saw, saw the sirens, the flashing red and blue… and then I jumped. Soaring through the sky I felt so happy, I think they called out to me, But I couldn’t hear them. I didn’t want to hear them. Soaring through the sky plummeting into the cold waters beneath it felt so right, to soar like no one before me, to dis- obey the wishes of the police and the one frail woman caught in this mess. I didn’t hear anything anymore. I couldn’t see. But I felt it. The coldness wrapping around my body, I couldn’t breath… But I didn’t fight it… I was okay now … And again everything was quiet.



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