I consider myself lucky. I consider myself lucky because I take nothing for granted. I consider myself lucky because iv felt the sand between my toes, the ocean breeze like hot heavy breath on my cheeks. Sometimes I consider myself damned. I consider myself dammed to the hell I know doesn’t exists, it stares up at me with big hungry eye's and a mouth full of flames. I consider myself lucky, now, now is all I have. Standing on the edge of a blue ocean, looking into the dimming yellows, oranges, red's, purples, pink's, looking into the luscious rainbow of the setting sun. Some day’s I think it calls me, calls me to drown myself in the deep blue as she does. She is the only one I allow myself to love, the only one I allow myself to feel, tan, panting in the summers. We are In love. For now. But soon I will be damned. I cannot take my love to the grave with me. Not even my w**** concubine moon can join me there. Soon I will be in the dirt, smelling the stench of old bones. Mouth packed solid with the jealous earths cold dirt. Sometimes I think about my fate and I want to cry, break down, sob, but I don’t. I don’t let my love see me cry, I don’t want her to worry for me. I don’t let my concubine see me either, I refuse to give her the satisfaction.
i am lucky for nothing
February 17, 2011