Cage #27
Mad Science Laboratories
Albuquerque, New Mexico
November 10, 2010

Dear devious Dr. Phil,

Abused, lonely, vulnerable. Not only do I feel devoured by these emotions, they have also convinced me that I am losing my marbles. Recently, I have been visited by frightening nightmares that have deprived me of my sleep. How vivid are these nightmares where I am either being electrocuted by one of your hopeless experiments or being wildly chased by a monster while running in a maze! I am demanding you to hear my plead of obtaining me a psychiatrist so that my fear of becoming mentally unstable will be alleviated.

Ever since one of your assistants violently captured and separated me from my family, I have been nothing but obedient to you and your shameless experiments. For instance, I recall the time when you injected me with hair enhancing treatments. To this day, I am still being taunted because of my four-inch long fur. Nevertheless, you did not hear one squeak of complaint from me. I remember asking myself when I have those terrifying nightmares, “After all the unspeakable horrors Dr. Phil has put me through, don’t I deserve at least one of my wishes fulfilled?” I know that providing me with a psychiatrist will certainly not be a problem for you, since numerous of your colleagues have mastered in psychology. Furthermore, you can always visit a hospital and set up an appointment for me. However, I need this act done immediately to prevent further emotional damage.

Surely, my request of having sessions with a psychiatrist is meager after all of the baneful, solitary, and defenseless moments I have survived. On the other hand, if you refuse my plea, I will joyfully run away and help my fellow lab rats escape. As you can see, it is quid pro quo. Giving me an experienced psychiatrist will prove to be beneficial for me and you because I will be emotionally healthy again and willing to be the subject of your experiments. Moreover, you will no longer worry of lab rats fleeing because I will dutifully watch them for you. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my letter and I expect to receive a response soon.
Sincerely,
Whiskers the Loyal Lab Rat