It Seems Like... I don't Know

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It Seems Like… I Don’t Know
Dear…



I need a friend, you know?

This explains why the world is black with no green, yellow, or blue, or even red. This explains why the textures are rough and hard. This explains why when I blow on something, the sound. Well, there is none. It’s silent. There isn’t any sound that fills the air with happiness, enjoyment, nor agreement. I look at the sky… blank. I’m standing alone. There, here, under the puffy clouds, and everywhere. But nothing appears.

I don’t understand why the confusion doesn’t go away. I don’t understand why when I raise my hand thoughts escape my mind. I need a friend to survive. Why, I don’t know. Without a friend life seems to be lonely. Almost like I have no idea. Like all

the world faces North, while I face South, North, West, and East at the same time, to find the perfect place. The power of understanding nothing takes my heart to the place where no exit is allowed. I look around for an exit, but I don’t find one. There is no one who will pick me up from the darkness. So I look up, but it’s too dark, so nothing appears.

I need a friend, you know? That’s why frustration makes me run, but stop again. Falling down from emptiness to the trap where I sit down and feel like cruelness takes my soul far away where I can’t reach. Where the sun keeps me alive but sets too early. I feel as if I am in my own universe. Where trees have no leaves; where clouds are too tight; where rainbows are extinct; and where lives do not exist. And I stand between the messes. That’s maybe why when I stare at someone he or she seems to be strange. Not quite the same. I try to find the love that will put a glimmering smile on my face. I think I see someone far away, so now decide to try and find help. I am too tired. Tired to just run from the horrifying sound to save… to save what? Save timeless wasted destruction of life? Save the dead from the soundless; colorless; lifeless site? There are these unknown creatures that just walk by. I don’t know them, but I still try. The right one does not appear.

I need a friend, you know? Someone who will pick me up when I am locked in a dark box with no way out; who I can talk to when life doesn’t fulfill me as much as I’d like; who will warm me up in the frigid cold. Someone who might be my friend. As much as I’d like I can’t find the right one. To me it seems that nobody cares. Nobody will come and stop by to just help. Help me have the sounds that I like when someone says “hello”, and not “goodbye”. Help me see the world in a different way than I am used to. Maybe go back to the textures that are soft and keep me warm.

It’s painful to always know it hurts to be myself. But I can’t change it it’s still me. That’s why I always try to be someone else. I just need someone who will close the gap that grew in me, to its original form. I just need someone who will make me choose the right thing when I wonder—sometimes too much. I need someone who will put me on the right path towards a world full of friends, when loneliness captures me all the time.

I always feel like it’s too late. It’s too late to let bravery be part of me, instead of the fear that swallows my heart. It’s too late for success to come back, because failure had won the race. It’s too late for happiness to approach, because depression and sadness have grabbed me. Grabbed me to a scary place, like a grave. But sometimes I don’t bother to do something because it feels like I’m covering myself so nobody will see. Because I know that nobody cares.

Sometimes I feel the world is not what I need. The world will not come and ask: “Do you need help?” And if it did, what would I say. Without a friend I will never know. And without a friend the emptiness in me will just grow and grow, and send me to a place where coming back is hopeless and impossible. I stand alone at the time when generations grow and live along while I die alone.

I cannot stand and face a life that will never be enough. I need a friend who will appear in front of me to come and help. Help heal the sorrowful life that tore me apart, split me in half. It made me different, but I don’t like it. So if you can hear me, please come by and just help. It doesn’t matter when, just come and help.

I need a friend, you know?

















Your friend,















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