Her complaining is constantly an itch to me, annoying, irritating, deadly itch. Go away! I scream to myself as if steam is going to shoot from my head in all directions. If I could sew her lips shut for one day… just one wonderful, blissful, happy day. I would be forever grateful. Shut up! My mind wants to explode onto the walls of my skull, yet my lips remain sealed. The pressure of my teeth grinding keeps me sane.

How I’ve survived so long around this hateful creature, I’ll never know. I should get an award just for not turning the curves of her face inside out. Every single word I speak in front of her gets twisted into this evil brooding lie that is within minutes spread across town. She is like a virus to me, my own personal toxic version of Swine Flu.

I dream of a day without her, a moment even. How beautiful it would be to not gaze upon her perfectly sculpted eyes, cheek bones… all her features, so deceiving. What in the world was God thinking when he created such a being. No offense… but I think he was on crack. This vision is abruptly disturbed by her obnoxious chuckle. I open my eyes, and suddenly I am in h*ll once again.

Keep your enemies closer they say… I think as I smile back at her, my ‘friend’. “Call me later!” I holler in excitement as I hug her and exit the room.