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My mum always used to say to me “If you help others you will receive more than you gave”. She lived her life following that saying. Always putting others before her. But look where it got her, under the ground permanently stuck with the thought that she created a monster. The very monster that put her there. All she did was give and give and she got nothing in return and yet I still didn’t manage to catch on to her mistake. I guess I was doomed to walk in her footsteps.
I bet as you have grown up you have been exposed to love and compassion. My mother loved me very dearly, I was her world, and she was mine. My mother and I had the kind of love that could conquer all. You know the one, where pain could be destroyed with a simple touch? Well I don’t. Watching someone like me growing up as a child would have been a heart-shattering event. Unable to touch the ones you love, afraid of bringing them to harm with a simple hug or even a kiss on the cheek. My mother had glowing cheeks, they looked so soft and the pink in her cheek highlighted the sparkles in her eyes. But her cheeks were to stay untouched by love.
Everyone always told me that my gift was a blessing and at first I believed them. I believed that having more power than any other being was a gift. That never letting anyone physically harm me was something only special enough for me. I realised that being hurt on the outside was immensely different to being hurt on the inside. Having strength put up a barrier from any normal life I could’ve had and it was then that the truth of my “gift” was realised. Helping others by inflicting pain, even for the right reasons, is still wrong and I was the only one who saw that. I was idolised for being a monster. People became dependant on my strength.
There is a significant difference between a person and people. The right person can be unquestionably selfless. People are undoubtedly selfish. In their minds someone who spends their life helping others must have an outstanding life. Asking me to save them from their problems gave me a great feeling, without question. Nonetheless it ran my entire life. I woke up. I helped. I slept. There was no time for me. It may sound egoistic but if I spend my life helping others I think that justifies at least a little bit of time for myself.
I did actually have a break from it but it was worthless everyone knew me as ‘The Mighty Man’; no one saw me as Theo Turner.
Theo had been made unconscious for a long time. He was invisible in the stead of ‘The Mighty Man.’
Everyone adored ‘The Mighty Man’. No one loved him. He could not be loved. He was a guardian angel, not a friend or a lover. Theo could be loved, but no one would take the time to wake him up.
Before I realized I was abnormal, I had a dream of marrying the most enchanting woman but her looks wouldn’t be the best thing about her, she would understand both sides to me. Looking at her would make me understand that love isn’t a myth or something created to make this life bearable, but that it is a breathtaking emotion. Only those who deserved it and would cherish its beauty. However, I grew up, I understood; Things such as love did not exist for people like me.
Although, there was one girl who cared. Her name was Susan Lawrence. She let me call her Susie. She took time out of her day just to get to know me. The real me. I had a friend. Theo had a friend. It continued to get better. I started to feel something special towards Susie. It felt like nothing I had felt before. I was scared to announce my thought and feelings towards her but my worry was for nothing. She described the feelings she had towards me. They mirrored mine.
Theo had awoken.
Susan was genuine, she didn’t mind if we weren’t in public all the time. She wasn’t with me to be seen with me, what mattered to her was being together. I felt like a normal person for the first time. I was someone who was worth caring about. I thought maybe she would confirm my dreams of love. This had to be love.
Then I was dealt a reality check and this one came in the form of a newspaper article. ‘How to love a monster’- written by Susan Lawrence. The article went into detail on Susan’s relationship and mine. Its ups but predominantly its downs. Is this what my mother meant every time she said that saying? Maybe I interpreted it wrong. I assumed she meant what I would receive would be better than what I gave. But she only ever said I would receive more. More what? More pain? More suffering?
That was the day Theo Turner died.
After that I was done with Theo. ‘The Mighty Man’ was who they wanted so ‘the mighty man’ was who they were going to get. As the months passed the satisfaction I got before from helping people started to disappear. Saving others became a chore. It seemed they became less grateful as if it were my responsibility to save their lives.
Its not that I need their gratification but without it the job seemed pointless. But without this job, I have no use. It’s all I have. It’s what I am. If I don’t have this then what do I have. My mother. She doesn’t understand how I feel about her. I wanted to express to her how I felt, just once.
I went to go see her. One look at her graceful face and I couldn’t contain my love for her. It took over my body, and I had to show her she was loved. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed gently. It wasn’t gently enough. She stopped breathing. I ran for the phone and tried to dial for help. In all the panic my fingers destroyed the phone with every tap. What was I to do?
I held her in my arms and ran. I ran far away from our town into a desolate area. I placed her down and dug through the ground until there was a hole big enough for her fragile body. Once she was buried I placed a single rose on her grave and left her in peace. She was gone. I killed my own mother, the only woman who was there for me my entire life. I couldn’t tell anyone or they would think I was a monster. It would have to be our little secret.
A week later there was a story in the newspaper.
‘Florence Turner’s body has been found in a field just outside the town border. The coroner states that she had been buried alive. Florence died only two day ago despite her best effort to claw her way out’.
How could I have made such a devastating mistake? There was nothing left for me here.
So now I stand up high, where I can see the whole town. The breeze running through my hair, making the trickling tear feel cold against my cheek. It’s true what they say, your life does flash before your eyes. I bet there aren’t many people who see it and regret living at all. I spent my life saving others, waiting for something in return. Something that didn't come. I was done waiting. I want out of this world. All it contains is pain. I want it to stop. Take away my confusion. I saved more people than I can count and yet there is no one here to save me.