Inspector Leee McNeere and the Case of the BIG Diamond

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It was dark. It usually is at night. Unless, of course, you live in China. I knocked lightly on the door. I am Inspector Leee Mcneere, the smartest, most intelligent, greatest genius, most redundant man in the world. I have just been called on to solve a baffling case. The case of…(Add in dramatic music here) the missing BIG diamond!!! I waited for the door to open and then I walked in.
I was in the Grayhouse, slightly less known than its counterpart the Whitehouse. I walked into a big room with a bunch of cushiony chairs. On them sat my suspects. In a chair much to big for him sat little Timmy with his nasty blonde hair and ugly spectacles. In the couch next to him sat Princess Petunia of Palace Pinapia (try saying that ten times fast!) with her overkill make-up and annoying screechy voice. Right next to her sat professor Flutesnorty with his fat bottom lip and terrible choice of ties. And finally on the very edge of the couch in all his jewelry covered glory sat Mr. T.
I looked at Timmy and began to question him. "Where were you last night?" I asked.
"In the bathwoom." He sniveled.
"Were there any witnesses?" I asked.
"Uh…I don't think tho." He whimpered.
I looked at Princess Petunia of Palace Pinapia. "And where were you?"
"I was at McDonald's." she replied.
"And why were you at McDonalds when you have 300 chefs to cook for you?"
"Because I like the little toys that come with the happy meal." She answered.
I looked at Prof. Flutesnorty, "Last night, where were you?"
"I was playing checkers with Mr. T." he stated.
"And you, sir?" I asked Mr. T.
"I was at the Bath & Body Works store, sucka!" he snapped.
I looked at them. I already knew who the culprit was but it had only been ten minutes since I'd gotten here and I was paid by the hour. I decided to stay awhile.
I left them sitting there to go roam the halls. I walked. I looked at some paintings. I stepped in bubble gum. I scraped the gum off my shoe. I walked some more. I sampled some caviar. I walked even more. I quickly pretended to look at something with my magnifying glass when a maid appeared from a doorway. I walked back to my suspects.
They were still sitting in the same chairs when I arrived. Mr. T was snoring loudly as he slept and the other suspects had clearly noticed it. I deducted this from the fact that Prof. Flutesnorty had stuffed his ears with his socks and Princess Petunia of Palace Pinapia had hidden her head in the toilet.
I stared at them. They stared back. I blinked. They stared back. I stared. Mr. T snorted. I checked my watch. I walked away.
I walked. I walked a bit more. I sampled some more caviar. I looked at nothing in particular with my magnifying glass. I checked the caviar for poison by eating it. I walked around for a few hours. I sampled a lot of caviar. I walked back to my suspects.
Timmy was stomping his feet in rhythm with Mr. T's snoring and snorting. The other two were banging their heads on the ground for some strange reason. I stared at them for a while until, finally, Prof. Flutesnorty leapt up from the ground screaming at the top of his lungs. (he must have very small lungs)
"All right, I did it! Yes me! I stole the BIG diamond! Please! Just take me away from this endless boredom!" he screamed.
I relieved his boredom by taking him to a tiny little cell for him to stay in for the rest of his life. And I, I was paid three bucks for my services.

The End





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