I can’t be happy anymore. It hurts my soul that I can’t climb anymore. It’s the only joy that I actually have in my life and now it’s gone and I’m bloody well mad about it. I can’t climb this huge Oak tree any longer. I know I’ll be able to climb again, at least some day I will. I don’t care how long it takes to get this stinking cast I will wait. I’ll wait forever, if that’s what it takes for me to get back up in that tree again. For me, being in the top of that tree is Heaven. It is in a league of its own. From atop that tower of beastly beauty I can see everything within a couple of miles; I kind of feel like I own it all when I’m up there alone and I can’t see anyone else. For those few moments it’s like the whole world is at the tip of my finger. I have found what I believe to be true happiness. I can’t do it anymore though; I need to heal before I can go up again. Last time I fell though; that’s how I got this cast. I’m going to be scared next time and I’m not sure if I will be able to look at the ground either. I don’t know what I’m going to do now; I think I’m afraid of going up there and I don’t know if I can ever do it again.
November 30, 2010