The life of the Outcast

November 12, 2010
By , Shoreline, WA
You know what i hate the most about high school? The fact that every other guy thinks that he is a bad a**. They think that they can do or say whatever they want and nobody can do anythng about it. Well, you want to know what i think? i think that if they want to see a bada**, ill show them a bada**. So beleive me, they dont want to p*** me off. I mean, im cool with them being a smart a**, but this is all just a big joke to most people wereas this might be my last chance to graduate.


This may not be of any surprise to any one, but I used to have a very bad anger problem. Although, with my childhood, who wouldn't. It all started a few months after my 4th birthday. I can remember playing on the swing set that we had outside. My dad passed on from leukemia(the kitti cancer). After that my life went down into the gutter. I can remember the day that he died, two men in black suits came and wheeled him down what semed to be a hall that ran forever. They stopped as soon as they got to the front door and my mom picked me up and I gave my dad a big hug. I dont know why but I didnt cry.


A few months later we moved to goldendale where my great grand mother lived. We found a small house down town. The yard was real crappy but, at least it was home. We ended up getting a dog. He had a black body with white legs, with black spots on them. We called him Freckles. I loved that dog to death, but we had to get rid of him for a reason I cant remember. I can remember taking a whole canof penut butter and going outside with a spoon and eating the whole thing. I used to do that all of the time. That year my grandmother was walking through the woods and a big boulder fell on her and broke her leg.


Later on within the next few years me and my mom moved to Dallas Texas. We moved in with some guy, but what my mom didnt know was that he was gay, or so she says. His name was Travis. He used to make me take showers with him. He would make me sit down and write sentences over and over until my hand got cramps. The baby sitter that I had treated me like total dirt, she hit me and sit there and watch me wash myself in the tub. Travis used to make my mom hold me down so he could pour liquid dish soap down my throught. He would got so p***ed over something so small that he would spank me as hard as he could over and over like10 to 15 times. The only thing that I liked about Texas was the warm and humid nights. I ussed to sit outside and relax all of the time Then one day the cops were going to come to my school and take me to a foster home. I guess they found some bruises on me or something, so my mom put me on a plane to seattle where my great grandmother picked me up at the airport and took me to goldendale.


We drove from Seattle all the way to Goldendele. I found out later on that what Travis did to me is what got me taken away from my mother. My great grandmothers house was located about 5 miles out of town.We rolled up the driveway and all I saw was a some what big trailer that was blue with white trim. She had five acres of nothing but forest. It was beautiful, she also had a peacock, a few chickens with a really mean rooster. Later on we got a couple rabbits. The trailer was bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside. There was my aunt and uncle living there, my great great grandmother, my two other uncles. Me and my cousins used to go into the forest and do some stupid stuff likestealing eggs from my grandmothers house and cinamon from my aunt. Me used to have a small barbquer and try to make cookies, we got in so much truoble for doing that. So you can imagine how crazy it was almost all of the time.


I used to go out on a trail that we had and just walk for hours and hours, just thinking about whatever was on my mind. I used to go on hikes all of the way up to our neiborshouse were they had a horse. they used to let me ride it when ever I did any work for them. One of my uncles lived about 2 blocks up in the forest in a tent. I always liked to go up and visit him, until an animal broke into the tent. We dont know exactly what kind of animal it was butafter that he had to move back down to the house.v My room was in the back. It was a ferily big room; bigger than any other kids in the house. I was always thinking about my mom. My aunt was sleeping with my case worker and she tokd him that my great grandmother was leting me and my cousin be sexually permiscuise. That is what got me taken away from Goldendale, but I didnt find that out until later. Once I found out I hated her for that.


The only people that could come up and see me was my moms mom and dad. Eventually I moved to Pasco, were they lived. I moved all of my stuff up there and I got a room that wasnt as big as the one that I had up in goldendale. The cool thing about that was I had a queen size bed. Me and my grandmother sisnt get along very well at all.We used to fight all of the time, but she always knew that I loved her. They were very strict. They didnt even let my go to any of my friends houses to stay the night. Im guessing that that is why ive never really made any good friends. I was so miserable there that I even threatened to kill myself a few times, but my grandfather knocked some sense into me. My mom ended up getting into smoking crack and she was in a intencive inpatient living home. I could only go up and see her once every few weeks. Every time I left there from seeing her I balled my eyes out, but I knew that I couldnt stay with her I just hoped that she could come with us.


My mom eventually got out of that place, but she met a guy there named Jim and married him. He lived in Westport with his parents. Pathetic right? And in his thirties. Well every summer that I had the chance I went up there and stayed up there until school started again. He was an alcoholic and she surprised me when she left him and came back up to Pasco.After a while I got really miserable, and my dads mom ofered to take me. So I moved in with my grandmother and my aunt who was 9 months younger than me. The house that my grandmother lived in was a big two story house that had three bedrooms. There was a big backyard that was really fun to play in, but it was a real pain to rake durring the fall. While I was living there my mom met this guy named chuck. She asked me if I liked him and I said yes because I did like him......at the time. Once I found I saw his dark side, but that comes later on in the story. Right around this time is when I got started into drugs. Particularly marijawana and drinking alcohol. I liked it at my grandmothers for a while but i started to get angry more and more.


We then found out that my mom could get me back. So we had to drive all the way back to goldendale, again so we could go to court. While we were there we saw my old case worker, he was looking down the whole time and didnt even glance at us. After that was over we left back to Pasco. We lived in this small red house that was full of black mold, but we didnt know it at the time. While living there I used to go over to a friends house every weekend and get totally wasted. they were in their Thirties. I dont know why but ive always hung out with the older croud. I think that it was because I grew up way before my time.


Once we found out that the house that we were living in was full of black mold in the walls we moved out of there and found a place in West Richland. A small trailer that was full of mold in the walls, lead paint in the house, aspestecis in the floor, mold spors underneath the house, and last but not least we had mushrooms growing inside the house. And the roof had leaks as well, and me, my mom,chuck, and my baby brother lived in that house for two years. The house gave me pneumonia so bad that it caused me to lose 26 pounds within the month. I couldnt even be in the house for 5 minutes or else I was coughing up a storm. Chuck finally found a job doing some maintnence out of town. My mom got suspicous and thought that he was cheating in her, turns out that she was right. He left her and us with absolutly nothing a few weeks later. Well we knew then that we would have to find a new home..........again.


Chuck was such a chicken s***, that he wouldnt even hit me. I was even an inch away from his face. Figures right? Well a couple months later we found a place in Richland. We loved it there because right down the road lived some really good family friends that weve known for a very long time. It was great there but with my mom taking all of my social security check every month and not giving me one cent, I got sort of upset. Wouldnt you? Me and my mom got into alot of fights over my social security check. Every chance that I got I would go over to my best friends house that lived right down the road and stay a few days, I was staying there so much that they had to tell me to go home a couple times. I had a few of my homeless friends come and move in with us.......for a price of course.


One weekend we went to visit my great grandmother up to Shoreline, witch is close to Seattle. Everything was going fine until I acidently hit my mom a little to hard and.........go figure, another fight. Only this time I told my mom all of the reasons why I didnt want to live with her. She went outside and later came in and told me that I could move in with my great grandmother if I wanted to, and of course I said yes. The next day my mom left to go back up to Richland. I got back in school and got my life straight.


Now this whole time ive kept everything bottled up inside of me, not letting it out. But you know, ive learned how to control my actions and how I express my anger in a posotive way, but I still have a tendency to get a bit upset every once in a while. The only time that happens is when someone says the wrong thing to me or uses an atitude without even knowing it. It takes quit a bit to make me upset. I used to get angry to the point were you could literaly see the veins on the side of my temples pulsing. That was the wrong thing to do because now ive been so tence all of my life that I dont even now what it is like to be relaxed any more. So you could imagine how upset I can get, people dont like me when im p***ed off. Do you like to be p***ed off?





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