Music blares vibrating the floor, lights flash, clapping sounds, my heart flutters beating faster and faster. People surround me, crowding me to the point when I feel almost claustrophobic, but I love it. I love the soft tickle of the brush that smooths the foundation onto my face, I love the feel of the comb pulling through my hair relaxing me like a mothers heart calms a baby, I love the feel of eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara, and eyeliner along with various other products being applied to my face. I stand up my black gucci heels adding 3 inches to my height making me tower over everyone more than usual. I walk over to the full body mirror in the corner of the room to give myself one quick look over. Standing before it I see what I look like. I am wearing a skin tight black leather skirt starting at my ribcage continuing to my knees, tucked underneath is a blue silk tank top with ruffle's. My hair is in wild curls at my shoulders and I have silver hoop earring's. The announcer starts, signaling me to get in line. Name after name, after name is called until finally the last name he states is mine. I step out onto the runway, lights blind me, cameras flash and music fills the auditorium. The spotlight is on me, now its my turn to shine. Ignoring my surroundings' I concentrate on my walk, my posture, my facial expression and strut down the runway. I remind myself that I want them to love me, to love my outfit that I designed, my everything. If I didn't succeed in my mission I wouldn't get the scholarship to Pari's School of Fashion Design in fall. I had wanted this since I was eight and seen , my first fashion show and now it was all down to this. Its all going well, I'm at the top of the world everyone loves me, I see my boyfriend, Brett, standing up cheering me on, hands in the air clapping. Thats when my world, my life as I know it ends. The gun shot rings out echoing off the walls and he drops to the carpeted floors like a puppet being cut lose from his strings. Forgetting everything, I scream and jump of the runway and start pushing through the crowd that has formed. The room now silent with sirens in the distance I reach him, letting out the shrillest, bloodiest scream yet. A pool of thick red blood is on the floor next to his head absorbing into the carpet his white button down shirt already soaked. There is a hole right beside his ear that is producing the blood. I throw myself onto him tears staining my cheeks, my make up running, checking his pulse I realize he's gone. No, no, no no no no, Brett please, no I gasp. At that moment the paramedics arrive and making sense of whats happened they start to pull me off of him, I refuse clinging to him. They pull harder, and harder until they pull hard enough and I no longer see my love. I fight back in utter hysteria, elbowing, kicking, punching anything to get them to release me. However it doesn't work and slowly the figure of him gradually becomes smaller, smaller until I don't see him any more. And in that moment I give up, on myself, on my dream of college on everything in my life because my reason for existing is gone.
October 28, 2010