There Are Two Yet None

October 27, 2010
By Anonymous

“Please make your selection, sir,” spouted the metallic, robotic voice. “In the race for a seat in the United Sectors Senate, would you like to vote for Atler Hidolf, or Karx Marl?” The man in the voting booth, staring blankly at the touch screen, displaying only two names and party choices, could do nothing but stand in utter silence. “Hello, sir? Are you still there? Are you going to vote, or should I terminate your ballot?” continued the robot voice. The man in the booth promptly hits the button labeled “more options.” “Hmm… I see. You wish to find a candidate that fits your tastes better. I regret to inform you that there are no other candidates running for this office. Please make a selection. Atler Hidolf of the USNSP, or Karx Marl of the USDCP?” The man in the booth then, just as promptly, hits the button labeled “terminate.”

The political climate today, full of its fair share of incredible characters and ideas, is dominated by two equally powerful parties, the United Sectors National Socialist Party, or USNSP, and the United Sectors Democratic Communist Party, or USDCP. These two political parties have dominated United Sectors politics going all the way back to the mid 1800s.
The USNSP, known most prominently these days for the Java Party movement and the caldron-stirring Caylen O'Bannion, holds nationalism and a highly trained and powerful military as their paragon. They believe in utilizing the fears of terrorism and white racial prejudices to attain their agenda of a country in complete support of big business and the elite of society.
The USDCP, however, led by current President Binak Otaba and his crony Natalia Polshevsky, is cut from a completely different cloth. The USDCP believes in redistribution of wealth and a strong, large central government that can enforce its decrees however it sees fit. Bureaucracy is the name of the game. They believe in using the fears of terrorism and minority racial prejudices to attain their agenda of a stagnant, morally rotten, communist country.
The man goes back home and flips on the television. He sees plenty of ads by the USNSP. One such ad has Caylen O’Bannion, in full black mass garb, pointy hat and all, stirring her caldron. Next to her are men dressed in white sheets, like some sort of demonic ghost thing, with the tagline: “Support the Fatherland! Lend your vote to the superior cause!” He changes the channel. Now he sees there are just as many ads by the USDCP. One ad includes a large, hefty man with a hammer and a slim, slender woman with a sickle. Both wear red stars on their clothing, with the tagline: “The proletariat must unite! Join us in our conquest of the wealthy barons! Round up all who work on Ceiling Road!”
The man sitting at home can only sigh. He knows quite well that neither side is very appealing. He doesn’t want to vote for the USDCP because he’s an old school kind of guy and likes owning his house. He doesn’t want to vote for the USNSP because he’s lower middle class and is admittedly not a fan of witches. He realizes and knows that there ARE other candidates out there, despite what the voting machine told him. He knows one in his neighborhood. He’s nice. He owns a small house, nothing too fancy.
What a scam: two tyrannical, overbearing parties that hold complete control of the path of the country. If you didn’t know any better, you would think they were brides-to-be. Anyway, he knows of other candidates, a little more humble than the lavish accommodations afforded to major ones. Those candidates, choosing to remain distinct from the “Fatherland” or the “proletariat” parties, get toyed with like Charlie Brown going to kick the football. Is there any chance they’ll get elected? Well, to answer that, has anyone heard them on MSLBC (MegaSuperLiberalBiasCommunications) or Faux News? There’s the answer. That can only make the man laugh.

The author's comments:
The back and forth nonsense about both United States political parties, as well as my own opinions on not only both parties but also independent candidates, done in a fictional satire piece.

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