Gone But Still Here

October 20, 2010
The silence is what keeps us alive. We cannot survive without the reassurance of quiet later on. Many of us are scared, scared that the silence may consume us. They don’t want to never be able to come out. But it’s the silence that we love so much because so many things can happen.

Someone could’ve had their first kiss, or saw the person of their dreams. Some people love the silence of the moment when you receive their first rose on Valentine’s Day. Not me. My silence of survival is death.

My mother had passed two years ago today, so my dad takes care of me. To my knowledge, so far, that’s not a good thing. Mom and dad met when dad was twenty-six and mom was thirty-six. That’s a ten year difference.. My dad was still young when she had passed. He was only about twenty-eight. He was always a strange person, but then again who isn’t right? He never replaced mom with someone else he wanted to marry or be with. But a lot of girls were around a lot. It was usually a new girl every day. I never got to even know their names before they left for good.

Once he knew he wasn’t able to keep a steady girlfriend, he stayed home a lot more. It was quiet with no one going in and out all the time. Sometimes I wondered if mom was ever watching what dad was doing with other women. I won’t know that for a little while. I’m in the middle, where I can see them but they can’t see me. My dad soon realized that he wanted something more than something different every day. He wanted someone that he knew wouldn’t go away, who wouldn’t leave him. He wanted me. Out of all the people in the world, he chose me. Why? No one knows.

All I can remember is his shadow always in the doorway, or him asleep next to me. Just him, taking advantage of his one and possibly only daughter. He only spoke one sentence that I can never seem to forget.” If you tell anyone about this, you’ll see your mother sooner than you think.” that’ll never leave me. Tomorrow was the first day of school. I knew everyone and they knew me. So it wasn’t hard to find people to be with. I had classes with all my close friends. That was always a good thing; I always needed someone I could talk to.

Lidia was my closest friend. She could always understand, no matter what the situation was. I spent more time I think, over at her house than my own. Dad didn’t like that very much. So every time I came back home, it would never be too good. I kept what he said in the back of my mind. Like I said, I’ll never forget that. But one day, one of the days I came back from Lidia’s house, he pulled me in the house and slammed the door. I was so scared.

I ended up telling Lidia everything that same day thankfully (so I knew if anything would happen to me, she would tell someone that she knew would help her). Dad started yelling at me like I did something wrong, so I knew he had been contacted by someone. He kept yelling, “you really want your mom don’t you?” So I started crying. Once he saw me crying, he slapped me across the face and gave me a black eye. That was when I knew I was going to get hurt much, much more. He dragged me into my room and slammed me onto my bed once again. He made it so that I couldn’t get up. All I remember from that night was his face. His face above me. Tying me down, ripping my clothes. Then everything became a blur. And I end up where I am now.
I can see him, I see him wandering free. Like nothing that night would be wondered about the next day. I keep trying to talk to everyone around. Telling them to look for me; to ask about me. Everyone at school thinks I moved, all but Lidia. She knew. She knew it all, and I am so great full for having such a good friend. I know she will do what she needs to at the right time. And now isn’t it.

Right now, right at this moment, I can see something in the distance. It’s some kind of light, like the ones you see when the sun rises. It’s so beautiful like nothing I have ever seen before. I think I’ll walk toward it, see what it is. Mom, is that you? I finally reached it. I know how it feels now. I love it. Everything is silent.

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rikkilynn said...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 7:37 am
pretty please leave a comment.. :(
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