The Empty Turtle

October 17, 2010
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There was once an exquisite meadow where beautifully painted trees loomed overhead, lush grass soft as swan’s-down underfoot, and the soft babble of a nearby stream filled the land. Although this utopia was quite lovely and tranquil, there was a very shy turtle who never quite managed to fit in among the other jovial, chipper creatures. The turtle was isolated, confused, and much too timid to attempt befriending others. She was sure everyone resented her for who she was, therefore, the poor turtle forced herself to become someone all the other girls would want to be friends with. The turtle received the girls' friendships, but those girls had befriended an illusion, someone the turtle wished she could be. Then one day, the turtles only friend, had realized the change in her. The Sheltie dog was very patient and insightful. She realized the reason as to why the turtle was so different, and so she questioned, “Why change in order to make friends? Why become someone you know you are not? What good are those friends if they do not like your true self?” the turtle ignored the question, not seeing any point in becoming lonely again and so different from everyone else. The turtle carried on with her façade. But as she pretended to care about someone’s hair, care about their clothes, pretend to laugh at someone’s unamusing joke, pretend to care about the mall or worrying over being invited to a party, she found herself more fake, pathetic, and lonely than ever.

“Why am I always unable to fit in?” the empty turtle cried aloud. But there was no answer to her problems. Was it better to be an outsider and be herself and envy everyone who was surrounded by friends? Or be the one surrounded by friends but feel pitiful for not being herself?
Moral- “Do not hide behind the illusion of who you wish to be, or you will lose sight of who you once were.”

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AaronLawrence said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 4:50 pm
I felt like this is a bit cliche.  You used an extremly common personel moral that is reapeated a hundred times and restated it.  Some of the imagery is nice, but I would recommend using a cleverer metaphor. 
Detail Diva replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I do agree with some of what you wrote. I love using imagery, it sets a scene so well and gets someone engrossed in writing. I think I do need to work on my metaphors and similies after reading work others have done. I also agree that this topic, feeling lonely and not able to fit in, is quite popular and often stated. But in my opinion, I do not think that this is cliche whatsoever. I wrote my fable because it was about myself and I truly struggled with loneliness and it has come to m... (more »)
Patty L. said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I loved it. Not all stories have morals that are really good. But yours does. And I loved it!
Detail Diva replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Thank you very much. I was actually stuggling with a moral that truly concluded what I wished to share, then it came to me as I was posting this. I appreciate your comment and am glad you enjoyed it.
alwayskelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 23, 2010 at 9:12 pm
wow i really like this and im doing exactly what youre doing or at least i did last year when i was in 8th grade but now that im in highschool im trying to be more myself and am finding that surprisingly its working! so keep at it because the true friends will stick with you when youre you, let the fake ones fall away and the true friends stay :))
Detail Diva replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 6:28 pm
I agree fully with you, but I must admit, that I always felt like I was the fake one who did not fit in. Now, I am happy to say that I have found many true friends and I hope you have as well. Thank you for commenting!
Macx14 said...
Oct. 22, 2010 at 4:06 pm
I love the motivation behind the writing, the metaphor of the whole thing, and the overall message. I've struggled with the same problem and it's not worth losing yourself to people who really don't care about you. Great writing!!
Detail Diva replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 6:24 pm
Thank you so much for your review, you are my first! I wrote this to express my feelings and to inspire and help others. I am glad that you have realized what I recently have. Thank you so much!
Macx14 replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 6:29 pm
You're very welcome! Maybe you could check out some of my stuff, if you wanted. I'd really like your view and input!
Alexandria G. replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 7:51 pm
I would love to read your work! Thank you.
Alexandria G. replied...
Oct. 26, 2010 at 8:08 am
What is the name of one of your writing pieces?
Macx14 replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Try "The Rush" and thanks!
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