I'm standing at the end of a suburban cul-de-sac on the grass in front of a gray house with maroon shutters. I'm slowly plucking petals off a white daisy whispering, "He loves me....he loves me not," to myself as the sun plays peek-a-boo with the coulds. There is a faint sound of an ice cream truck approaching and the neighbourhood kids scatter to their parents for money. I don't move from my spot. A red ladybug lands on my last daisy petal. It's bright shell so wonderful against the daisy's soft white petal. I giggle aloud and say to myself, "He loves me." Slowly this image distorts and fades away. I find myself alone, barefoot, walking on a sidewalk next to a desolate street. I pull at the two rubberbands on my wrist and let them snap back into place: I hate when I try to escape back into memories. All the buildings, dark in colour and lined against the street are towering over me. There is no light coming from them. Their superioty over me causes me to cower at them. I pass a building with a large glass pane and take a look at myself. I can't remember the last time I saw myself. My hair is stringy, thin, brittle and matted with who knows what. My tattered and dingy clothes hang loosely off my emaciated body. I fixate on my eyes. So dark and hollow they are. I can't bear the sight anymore and turn from it. I keep walking and the sky begins to weep tears of pity for me. I know she weeps for me because I can no longer weep for myself. Her tears hit my face one after another, trying their best to rid me from my pain that I carry. If only I could call out to her and tell her that her attempts are in vain. Nothing can rid me of the pain that I carry deep within. I keep going forth and the sky continues to weep harder and harder. I am clueless as to what day it is or where I am but it doesn't matter anyhow. I've been lost for so long now, it's all I know. I suppose I've been walking for some time now. The buildings are now gone and I find myself in front of tracks. Train tracks. I walk on them even though they are cold and slippery under my worn down feet. I extend my arms out trying to balance. In the distance I hear an ice creak truck. I push the sound out from my head. I'm escaping back into memories again. I stop walking on the tracks and shut my eyes tightly together shaking my head back and forth. "No. Not again. NO." I try my best, but I still hear it and it's approaching me. My eyes flash open and I realize that it's not an ice cream truck but a guardian of some sort coming with a latern. They have come to save me from this pain.They're calling my name, "Emilie. Emilie. Emilie." I begin to run towards it. They've come to save me, they've come to save me. The sky is weeping so hard now, yet I know not why. A guardian has come to save me. It's light is so bright and in it I can see myself as a little girl in my pink sundress plucking daisy petals. It screams, "Emilie!" and I scream out to it, "You've come to save me!" I'm running as fast as my thin legs let me and I scream out one last time before the light and I become one. Now there's silence. I have lost the guardian but my pain escapes me in a whirlwind of vivdly lush colours and magnificently melodic sounds lighting up the night sky. A smile dances upon my lips as I savour one last look and the sky stops weeping.
September 19, 2010