Moon Light

September 1, 2010
I am sitting on my chair watching the fire burn bright as the night sky. The moon light filling the night air as the wind blows softly. I hear a noise coming from the kitchen but that could be the wind. So I got up and went to the kitchen to see what the noise was. I look down and see that a little mouse was eating on a piece of cheese. I was watching the mouse as it ate. The mouse didn’t see me and out of no where it scatters. I turn around and my husband was right behind me. As I jumped he grabbed me, holding me close. He whispered in my ear saying “Sorry darling did I stutter you?” When he whispered in my ear I had a random cold chill run across my spine. I softly whispered back “yes Hun you did. I didn’t hear you come through the door.” “I am sorry. I called your name but I couldn’t find you, I thought you were gone. Then I heard something in the kitchen and thought it was you so I came here” he said.

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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Ashley_Tucker said...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 6:18 pm
You've got some pretty good writing skills, but I had a hard time reading it. You need to work on 1st person 2nd person 3rd person. I'm no expert, but I could definently tell. And you started using was like you were recalling it and then started talking like it was happening then. I wish you would have given more of a glimpse into what the story was about so i could give you my opinion but... :/
booknerd said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 5:01 pm
I liked it! I thought it was short and to the point but maybe a little confusing. Other than that I thought it was good!!! Will you check out my work? I need some comments and reviews!
CowGirl101 replied...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 1:21 am
well, i am still working on the story(: i am almost done! and when i am done i will post the new story
AwesomeNewt said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 11:13 am
i really liked it you should expand it a bit though great job
CowGirl101 replied...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 1:21 am
i will! i am almost done! just got to finisht he last detials and i will post the rest
juliam This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 9:39 pm

I don't get it.

I don't mean to be mean, but the story has no plot, the characters have no life, and it's too short to actually mean anything. 

And why is the mouse in the story?

CowGirl101 replied...
Sept. 6, 2010 at 1:20 am
well i am not done with the storyxD and the mouse has a major role, i just got to finish
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