Alone (part 1)

August 12, 2010
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I stared at the floor, with a disconcerted look in my eyes. All the memories played repeatedly in my mind like a series...of flashbacks.
The rain beat down on my window, a little louder than before. I lifted my gaze towards the dark glazed windows of my bedroom, heavy clouds scattered the sky which now wore a forlorn aura.
My eyes reverted to the cold floor of my bedroom, i could feel the draught as it ruffled beneath my feet.
I shivered.
I turned to my side and now- I lay on my floor perfectly still, curled up.... motionless.
I closed my eyes as the past recollected in my mind.
The tears,were now streaming down my face uncontrollably. I closed my eyes tighter .. and wished.
The realization struck me, and now i felt colder than ever the dark and gloomy atmosphere seemed more transcendent than ever.
All, was lost.No hopes. No dreams..
Now i knew... I was alone

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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

A.S.R said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 7:26 am





SoBeeIttx replied...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 7:27 am

Hey i really lyk ure piece i cant wait to read yur new version lemme know wen ure done i would love to read it! 

keep up the good work girl!

Sept. 7, 2010 at 11:45 am


great piece - thoroughly entertaining but it should be longer. fit for an intro though. i like ur writing style and ur feelings were conveyed flawlessly 


TinaT said...
Sept. 7, 2010 at 11:26 am
one word - BRILLIANT
A.Anonymous replied...
Sept. 7, 2010 at 11:41 am
Anaa1 said...
Sept. 7, 2010 at 11:21 am

this is a great piece of writing. five out of five definately. though its short so im guessing its a preface yes? 

anyway any more stories let me know you have alot of potential.

i love it - good luck

A.Anonymous replied...
Sept. 7, 2010 at 11:43 am


Yup its a preface actually i'd already mentioned it being an introductory passage to a whole story that i was gonna write soon. I havent come up with anything as yet im just working on a mini - novel at the moment.

Thanks for taking the time to read it. 


CallMeFelix said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 2:04 pm
(Sorry this took so long =) ) I believe that this needs to be longer...because it's really good now, which means if it had more substance and a backstory, it would most-likely be REALLY good. If you know what I mean xD Keep writing!
A.Anonymous replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 9:29 am

Hi , haha no problem! :) 

Great im gonna re-write this when i get the time i just need to think of some more content. will definately let you know when the final piece is done.

Thanks for taking out the time to read it. :D

sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 22, 2010 at 10:14 pm
How do I critique a piece like this? When I know it's missing something but I can't put my finger on it? Probably means you need more story. This lacked, lacked, lacked in background. This is more like a poem than a story, and I think you could easily morph it into something more accessible to readers if you did change it to a poem. Be creative with the spacing maybe. 
A.Anonymous replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 11:04 am

okay, thanks for the advice :)

mm.. i was thinking i should re-write it again perhaps maybe a little longer .. more story etc??


sleeplessdreamer replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I think this definitely has potential. The writing was good and everything. I just was lost as how to feel for your character, because I didnt know any of the back story. Go ahead, I would say, and add something to this. I think it would be an interesting piece. And let me know when you do!
A.Anonymous replied...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 10:28 am

great, i will get on it ASAP ! :) 

Thanks again! xo

deka9 said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Aww, so, so urgh. Hahaha, There is no other expression I can say describing this peice.

So get rid of "of my bedroom" because you've already mentioned it once. Be careful to show not tell (I do this all the time). I this, I that isn't pleasing to read. There are some typos with the punctuation and capital I :), but overall very vivid.

I could feel the lifeless feeling that you were conveying. Sure, this is short but perfect for a prolougue/intro. I like it; keep it up&... (more »)

A.Anonymous replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 11:02 am

interesting comment,haha :]

any ideas for further directionss?

thewritician said...
Aug. 20, 2010 at 7:46 am
I like it! Don't worry some may say it is to short or not enough emotion...well I think you conveyed a lot of emotion and I could feel your pain. I give you five stars, literally. Good job!
A.Anonymous replied...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 4:14 pm

Thankyou! :] 

Yes, i thought it would be short but i also mentioned that its an "introductory" article incase anyone was wondering :) 

Thanks for the comments though, you're doing a pretty good job yourself. xo 

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