Escaping Into Reality

July 31, 2010
Nothing existed outside the darkness. A single girl lay in this world. The
darkness her comfort. The darkness was all that existed for her. The girl
knew this without knowing. She was the only thing that existed in this
world. She didn’t exist though, not really. The all encompassing darkness
took hold of her like a weight. She was immobile; unable to walk or stand
or move. She never blinked, never spoke.

She lay in this world, still as a statue. Her pale skin blending into the
darkness. Her hair, black and limp, fanned around her as she lay. Her arms
near her head and her legs bent towards her slim figure slightly. She was a
forgotten doll that had fallen off the shelf and never put back. A vesicle
that held no life. She lay on her side staring out into the world without

Her eyes were the only color in this world. They stared out into the
darkness as a deep ocean stared at the sky. A storm in the mid-Atlantic. A
cavernous depth, near black blue. Those eyes were lost in this world
though. The depth held no hope, no life. The depth just led back to the
darkness. For all intents she was dead. Nothing moved in this world after
all. And nothing changed; until now.

For this one girl had begun to change. It wasn’t a big change. It was
something small, minuscule. It passed by quickly, barely noted by the girl
who lay in this world. One single thought had broken into this world.
Slipped past the defenses and brushed by the girl. It was a small thought.
But the thought brought change. Her world had already started changing. She
had begun to awake.

'Where are you?' That simple thought broke through into her mind and
reached out to her. Now the thought stuck. It rolled around in the world,
repeating itself to the girl. Waiting for an answer. But the girl had none.
She couldn’t answer the thought. And because she couldn’t answer, the
question stayed. Over and over it asked the girl with stormy eyes. The
question weighed down on the girl. It weighed down on her more than the

Yet, unlike the darkness, it didn’t immobilize her. It pushed on her.
Begging her to move. It struggled in the darkness as a trapped animal
would. It bounced off invisible walls that didn’t exist and rammed into
the girl like a physical force. Then it stopped. Vanishing completely. The
girl blinked from surprise. The movement echoed through the darkness. For
the first time the girl stared out into the darkness. She stared out of her
tumultuous beryl eyes into the world around her.

That’s when the flower appeared. Maybe it had always been there and she
never looked, or maybe it had never been there until now. Whatever the
reason, it was there now. A small, single flower in the dark world. A
flower nearly translucent in this world. The complexion of the flower was
fragile, as if staring at the petals would make them wilt. But the
flower’s stem stood strong and study and solid. The flower looked to be
wilting, but in truth it wasn’t; it was flourishing in this world.
Flourishing like the girl never had. The petals were of the color of the
girls eyes, but not. They were the color of what her eyes lacked. They were
the color of hope. Hope had finally appeared in the world of nothing. The
stark flower contrasted with the darkness vividly. Casting a light of its
own into the opaque realm.

The girl watched the flower for a time. Without change, time is impossible
to tell but, like the flower, time had begun to turn its gears. As time
moved another flower began to grow. The same cut, but painted a subtle
orange. More and more flowers began to grow and the girl watched them all
appear. Her lonely world was filling. Soon she was surrounded by these
translucent flowers. Every hue and tint and color accounted for. No two
looked the same despite their ferocious resemblance. The world tried to
suppress the light the flowers brought in vain. Their soft glow illuminated
each other and strung together to form a soft hum of light; dim but
impossible to touch. The world the girl had so long ago come into was

The girl began to twitch and stir, unable to keep still any longer despite
the world’s protests. It was so easy to slip back into the timeless
darkness that held her but no longer. The girl stood. It was feeble and
difficult but she was standing. She finally began to see the world she
lived in and could no longer stay in her still form.

As soon as she was standing she was able to see the world in a new
perspective. The flowers weren’t a vast field, they made a path. And just
down the path was a door. The door stood simple and plain but impossible
not to see. It stood out from the flowers and darkness as impossibly solid
and real. The girl was drawn to the door and took a step toward it.

The darkness screamed in protest. Calling her to go back to the way it had
been. Pleading her to stay put and forget the door. But the girl wouldn’t
forget anymore. She had already forgotten so much. She took a more
confident step and began walking towards the door. As the door came closer
the darkness tried to persuade her back. The girl saw a bright angry color
splash in her mind. She stumbled. The darkness thrust the memory at her
again. The solid color was terrifying. It formed a puddle around her mind.
Thick and flowing crimson bubbled to the surface. Too much. Her mind
screamed, too much. The color stained itself into her mind with scarlet
anger, spilling onto a floor. The memory was hers; it fastened itself into
her mind perfectly. The one memory chilled the girl to the bone. The world
knew this. It urged her to reconsider. To stay, to forget. The darkness was
a comfort. It stifled the memories for her. She had escaped to this world
on her own. She had wanted to forget and the world wanted her to stay. The
temptation of ignorance beseech-ed her. The girl stared at the door again,
a copper taste lingering in her mouth. The solid form now stood
terrifyingly real. Did she really want to go where it led her?

Yes, the voice was small and barely audible in the stifling darkness. It
was her own voice and, though it was small, it was powerful. She shook off
the darkness once more and continued down the path. The darkness screamed
in agony. It thrust memories at her. A glint of silver. A burst of sound. A
room full of people. Each memory only a flash, but they were thrust at her;
trying to push her back into the silence. She kept moving and was nearly to
the door.

Another memory came into view. This time she stopped just steps away from
the door. A boy’s face stared at her. Tousled brown-blond hair and a
small smile on his face, delicately placed as if it was carved of stone.
His blue eyes were like hers but on a clear morning; glittering brightly as
he stared at her. His eyes showed a loving and compassionate person. An
innocence that shown clearly in his eyes. The boy tugged at her chest. It
bubbled as an aching pain mixed with pleasure. She loved this boy yet his
image brought hurt. His features changed. His hair was no longer playfully
rustled but wind swept and his eyes were bone chilling. Their glitter was
no longer held there, they were dull and lifeless. A scream erupted from
the darkness and she realized it was her own. The image vanished and she
was left staring at the oak door.

Her hands were trembling. Her face pale. Wherever this door led her, it led
to pain. The pain was frightening and she wanted to retreat and go back to
the darkness. But that meant forgetting and she now realized just how tired
she was of lying in the darkness. Her body ached to remember and live while
her mind begged to forget and vanish. She was torn. Her eyes flicked over
to the flowers on the ground. The small delicate flowers that flourished
here. A small smile crept onto her face. She could feel the faint warmth
the flowers brought and decided. She reached her small, still trembling,
hand towards the door.

The darkness gave one final attempt to sway her. Memories came flashing
through her mind. A car door shutting. A house. Opening the door. A rustle
of movement. The blond boy looking around the corner. A glint of silver
behind him. A burst of noise. A familiar scream. Red. A smirk from the man
running away. Red. The dull blue eyes. Red. A sense of falling and then…
The memories stopped abruptly.

The darkness hovered around her, waiting for her decision. Her hand hung in
the air just inches from the handle. She stared down at it and stopped
trembling. She reached out for the handle of the oak door and touched the
cold metal. She felt goose bumps on her arms as she turned the doorknob.
She could feel the tumblers unlock as it turned, allowing her entry. She
pulled it open and light flooded her vision. She squinted and shielded her
eyes with her free arm. The darkness just watched as she entered into the

Her senses snapped into place. She felt warm air whispering around her in a
small white room. She could smell the cool soft breeze that came through an
open window. She could hear her own steady breathing and the small creaking
in the walls. Her vision was covered by a faint veil of haze and watery
from the light. She couldn’t make out anything tangible, but she could
feel it. She could feel that she was sitting and felt the soft tickle of
her breath as she breathed in and out. She could feel the soft carpet below
her and the heartbeat inside her. She could feel a soft trickling of her
dark glittering hair as it flowed over and around her shoulders. Her
muscles were stiff and hard to move, but she smiled genuinely. She could
feel a small glimmer appear in her eyes as the storm finally ended. And she
could hear the door as it firmly clicked shut behind her.

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