Mind Games

August 3, 2010
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The Beast
It's waking. Every muscle in its body is twitching, getting ready to pounce on me and tear me apart. It yawns and I know that is my cue to start running; but fear keeps my feet rooted firmly to the ground. Its eyelids fly open, revealing those familiar golden eyes.

It tears through the solid iron cage with its razor sharp claws, that tear my skin open in the same place as last time, and then survival mode kicks in.

I run away from there as fast as I can, but the beast never seems to get any closer or any further away. I know it's tactics; it's playing with me and tiring me out to make me an easy target. It's taking me to the same place as last time and so I brace myself for what is to come.

My legs fail me, and so I try hiding behind the dusty boxes of secrets, stacked precariously in a corner of my mind; but those golden eyes find me and make me run again. I remember this route from the times before, past the photo albums of mind-captured images, and ahead lies the calm, blue surface of inward suffering.
The beast is behind me, and with nowhere else to go I jump and hope for the best.


My feet break through the layer of thin ice on the surface, and then thee rest of me follows behind. I hear the muffled victory roar of the beast, and then the drowning begins.

The cold water seizes my limbs and makes them numb and useless, trapping me in this underwater world. It penetrates through my clothes, through my skin, and into my blood system and taking over my mind.

I've learnt from last time that trying to fight it doesn't work; you only end up tired and you can never win anyway.

Hope tried to save me- to keep the blood flowing and my heart pumping; but it too gave up when it realised that its efforts were all in vain, and the chances of winning the fight weren't any better than before.

So now I'm slowly sinking through the waters of self-loathing, and thinking on the way about the best way to speed up the process of hitting the bottom. So I wait and hope that maybe one-day I'll hit the bottom and this inward suffering will end.


Finally things are looking up, and I can see the rocky bottom of the vast ocean; but just before my feet hit the ground a beautiful riff trickles through my ears and I feel five pairs of hands dragging me back up the the surface, and bring me out of my subconscious state.

They lulled the beast back into it's dreamless sleep, and put it back into its cage. They tidied up all the damage that had been left behind as a result of the beast's awakening, and have given me an escape route if the beast ever does wake up again.

So now when I feel as though the beast is stirring again I can look to them for help. They are my five knights in shining armour and without them I would not be here. They are more important to me than they'll ever know and I thank them for saving me.

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