Pain Isn't All Fun And Games

June 29, 2010
By , Lansing, KS
Pain shot through her body. Blood ran down her arm. "Why do I do this," she thought. Wiping up the blood with the nearest tissue, she cleaned the knife. Quietly singing to herself, she stuck on a Dora Band-Aid.

"Lisa..!" came a shout from above.

Running out of her bathroom, jumping onto the chair, sliding across the floor, she pressed the intercom button. "Yes?” answering slightly out of breath

"Dinner," someone replied coldly.

“Of course,” was all she answered, before walking up the stairs.



"Lisa, how many times have I told you?"

"At least a hundred times, though I’m sure one more time won’t hurt," answered the 16 year old, dark brown haired girl. She sat in one of the six chairs at the round oak table.

"Fine, be that way. Wear your makeup around your grandmother. She's old and thinks you’re a ghost."

Lisa's glassy blue eyes watched her short, skinny, tan mother finish making dinner. A small sigh slipped out of her lips, for she heard this every day.

"Now go get your family," instructed her mother. Lisa quietly climbed out of the chair and walked around a corner into the living room. It was full of furniture, from antiques to the off-white colored couch which her father, two brothers, and grandmother sat on while watching TV.

"Dinner," she simply said. Everyone but her grandmother got up. The poor old lady was already deaf and going blind. Lisa was not allowed to go anywhere close to her because Lisa’s almost translucent skin made her grandmother believe she was a ghost. Lisa thought this was the dumbest thing ever and enjoyed torturing her by tapping her on the shoulder and running away. The young teen took this once-in-a-lifetime chance of them ever being alone together, and used it to her advantage. Tapping her twice on the left shoulder, Lisa hopped to the right side of the old woman and walked back to the table. One scream and a death glare from her mother later, Lisa gave a slight smile while saying, “Eat."









As the clock changed to exactly midnight, Lisa closed her book. Standing up on her green chair, she walked across the white desk, on top of the matching white dresser, and jumping over the nightstand, landed on the bed. Lying down, she slipped under the covers. Looking at the knife that lay on her nightstand, she turned out the lights.

The man standing in white, holding a clip board, pushed up his glasses and looked the mom straight in the eye. “She has cancer,” were the words that came out of his lips. Any trace of despair was gone from his eyes. All traces of sadness were found on the mother’s face. Her knees collapsed from under her, causing her to fall into the nearest chair.

Not a single word came from the frightened girl. The dream was something she had never seen before. Cancer was something that had been in her life before, her mother having breast cancer when Lisa was only 5. The young girl prayed for her soul, hoping that the Lord would let her stay on Earth. The dream Lisa had woken from reminded her of these times of despair and sent her into an emotional thunderstorm. Tears began to pour out of her eyes. She began to search frantically for the old knife, whom had become her best friend.

Finally, finding the silver knife, she went into her bathroom. Climbing into the tub, hot water came on. Lisa knew her mother was going to have fit. All the clothes on her were going to be soaked. Running the blade through the water, light shined off it. A slight smile came on her lips. Off went the water, on came the blood.






"One, two, three, and four..." Lisa counted out loud, slightly wincing as she touched the fourth. She pulled her red sweatshirt sleeve back down. A couple flicks of her wrists and her semi-curly hair was up. Glancing in the mirror, she saw pain written on her face. She faked her smile and skipped out of the bathroom. Lisa grabbed her book bag, slipped on the black converses, and walked out the door.








Pressure. All over. Head hurting. Pressure building. Plane rising. Head falling. No sight. Pressure. Pop. And she was gone.

“Whoa!” She said, while flinging her head up. “What just ha-“she went silent as she noticed that everyone was staring at her. Her cheeks went red. She looked at the clock, counting the seconds, wishing that time would move faster.

Click, click, click, click.
The clock continued to count down to the final bell.

Click, click, click.
Lisa rubbed her sore arm, happy that everyone finally stopped looking.

Click, click.
She piled her books together.

Click.
Lisa stood up.

BINGGGG!!!!

A smile sprung to her lips. Grabbing her books, she skipped into the hall. The crowds of freshman always seemed to bother her. Pushing through everyone, Lisa arrived at her locker. 40...20...0 were the numbers Lisa spun in the locker. Open was the loser and out was her book bag. Flinging all the needed books in her bag, she closed the locker. Walking down the hall, Lisa spotted a friend. Making sure Ann wasn't going to see the cut, Lisa walked over.

"Ann. Hug."

Ann's arms came out and wrapped around Lisa. Then, suddenly Ann pulled back. Lisa gave a questioning look. Ann grabbed her arm.

"What the hell did I tell you...?” The best friend pulled back the sleeve. “No more cuts!" The upset blonde stabbed the more recent cut with her finger.

"Ouch! Don't do that!" Lisa yelled, jerking her arm away.

"Do what?" asked a voice from behind.

Lisa flipped around and there stood one of the hottest guys in school. His face was lit with a smile, his brown hair was perfectly placed, and his arms were open, waiting for a hug. Lisa slipped in Josh's arms, her mind screaming and shouting. Her body went cold when she heard the shrill voice of Rachel, the girlfriend of the boy Lisa was in love with.

"Joshie!" The girlfriend yelled.

"Rach..." Josh said. He took two steps over. With that Rachel smiled and gave Josh a peck on the cheek. Josh, seemingly ok with that, grabbed her hand. Flashing a quick smile at Lisa, Josh walked away. Lisa sighed and turned back to Ann. The teasing smile Lisa hated was on Ann's face. Making the ugliest face she could possibly make at Ann, Lisa turned, walking down the hall. Through the "hallway", Lisa took a right. That led to the door that led outside. The sun shined on her skin, making her glow. Everyone started, like always. Head down, she ran to the bus. Sliding in next to one of her best friends, she placed her bag on her lap. Glancing out the window, she saw the upperclassmen god. He was gorgeous. The body he had made her go weak at the knees. She continued to stare even when he got in his blue truck.

"Man...What I’d do to be with him..." Lisa thought to herself. As she started to think of what it'd be like dating him, she got a tap on the shoulder.







A shiver ran down her spine as she looked at her cell phone. With tender hands, she reached over. Picking it up, she quickly unlocked it and pressed the number 2 button. The push of the talk button and she was calling Rebbecca.

"Hello...?" answered a tired voice.

"Reb… He loves her. Reb, he said he loves her!" Lisa shouted into her phone.

"Mmhm. Listen Les, he says he loves every girl he dates. Hon, he'll get over her," Rebbecca answered boredly.

"He told me it’s different this time. He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with her…" whispered Lisa.

"Josh always says that. Besides, he’s gonna change his mind when better comes along."

"Reb..."

"And no I ain’t gonna be that better. How about instead me always breaking them up, why don't you? For once, you be the better."

"But I..."

"Listen," Rebbecca interrupted, "I have to go. Homework is calling. Tell him how you feel."
Then the phone disconnected.







Slowly but surely, she could feel it coming. The warmness covered her legs. Black started to replace the colors. Her mind was drifting. Then a scream filled her ears. The body she was trapped in was being shaken. Cool water was on her feet. Hands were pulling her out of the tub. To her despair, colors were flooding back in her eyes. Her mind was no longer searching. Pain was burning her arms.

Fluttering her eyelids, she was no longer in a daze. The pain was back; along with all her sadness. Words escaped through her lips, words that shouldn't be spoken. "Please...Let me go...”






"Lisa...where’s your knife?" came a call from her bedroom.

"In the nightstand," Lisa answered as she changed the gauze. "Ouch..." she whispered softly.

"Ok. Hurry up. The show is about to start...” Lisa heard a click, then sounds of her TV.
Lisa splashed warm water on her face, reassuring that she was tired, and not in pain. She lightly patted her face dry with a blood red towel. She giggled at the irony, threw the towel in the tub, and skipped out of the bathroom. She ran over and jumped on her bed, landing next to Rebbecca. For the rest of the month, Rebbecca was sleeping over. She was doing so because when Lisa’s mother found out Lisa was cutting, the worried mom didn’t trust Lisa. So the annoyed teen came up with a plan to get her mom off her back. Have Rebbecca stay over for a month and if she didn’t cut anymore she’d be in the clear. Rebbecca happily agreed and now the two girls laid on Lisa’s bed watching “Degrassi.”


During the first commercial break, Rebbecca spoke softly. “I’m glad it’s not drugs...”

“What? “ Lisa looked over.

Rebbecca moved away, then answered,” I’m glad you don’t do drugs.”

Lisa sat up.

“I’m glad it’s not drugs,” Rebbecca said again,” because you could die faster. You know...OD.”

“Overdose? You think that because I cut I might go do drugs and overdose?” Lisa answered; making sure Reb could tell she was mad.

“No. Lisa... I mean, I’m just glad you choose cutting instead of drugs.” She had fear written on her face.

Lisa got up and walked to her bathroom.

“Lisa, what are you doing?” Lisa heard from behind the closed bathroom door.

Lisa opened a cabinet and grabbed her medicine. Making sure she was extra loud, she opened the bottle.








Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Lisa laid on her bed, listening to rain fall. Not a sound from inside the house. No one was home but Lisa. She thought about pulling out the rusted knife, for the mood was just right.

Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Then, out of the blue, her started singing. Groaning, Lisa sat up. Sliding off the bed, she made her way over to the desk. The cold and alone phone flashed, saying it had a text waiting. Picking it up, she sat back down before reading it.


A few seconds later, sob spilled out and tears rolled down her cheeks.


The old knife never seemed to sparkle like it did tonight. She played with the burning hot water. It stung, but not enough to remove what she felt inside. She had already decided that tonight she'd only let free some pain. A small giggle came out as she let the blade dance across her skin.




Tears seemed like they were pushing at the back her eyes. Chatter was a minimum in the halls. People's eyes seemed like they were following her. Sadness was written on everyone's face. Despair filled their eyes. Ann was the first to approach her. A hug came with the words," I'm sorry."


All day, Lisa could see lips moving but not hear words. She could see flowers and burning candles but could not smell them. Lisa could look at books but wasn't able to read them. Speech after speech, and all she could think about was the text; the text that would torture her for the rest of her life.



By the end of the day, Lisa felt ready to explode. Just as the girl readied herself for the tear-filled walk home, the upperclassman walked up to her.

"Hey..." He looked around.

"Um…Hi," Lisa choked out.

"So...listen...I was really close to Josh and I know that you uh..." was all the older guy could get out before he noticed the tears had started coming out of Lisa's blue eyes.

Lisa looked up at his blue eyes and pushed past him. The guy grabbed her arm and pulled her close.



The engine roared to life. Staring out of the passenger window, quiet tears ran down her cheeks.

"Hey, which way sweetheart?" asked the upperclassman god. His tan complexion, glassy blue eyes, semi-dark brown hair, and lips made for smiling were killing her. She couldn’t help but cry more when she saw his looking at her. A small yelp and more tears came out. Quickly she pointed towards her house.

"Tha...thank you..." Lisa whispered.

"Anytime doll face," he replied, grabbing her hand.





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