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-How-

The music is booming from the sound system; I hear nothing. I reside at the back of the gym, wondering if anyone has noticed me: all alone with a tear streaked face. The DJ spins a final song slow and sweet. “Our song,” I whisper to myself. A bashful line of sit-outs has appeared on the sidelines. I glare at the center of the floor; her perfectly manicured nails twist together at the back of his neck, and his hands rest on her designer-jean-hips. My heart is falling to pieces, how could he move on so fast? Forty-three minutes ago his arms were wrapped around ME, he was holding MY hand. Forty-three minutes ago this was OUR song.

“How?” I form my lips around the inaudible words. “How, how, HOW?” I shriek. A group of chattering girls abruptly stop their conversation to find the source of the disturbance. But I’m already gone, darting for the door. The fluorescent lights are blinding as I stumble through the double doors. I walk drunkenly into the girls bathroom, sniffling. Peering from beneath my salty lashes, I gaze at my appearance in a cock-eyed mirror above the sink. Mascara spider-webs across my cheeks, and a raccoon’s mask of blotchy red surrounds my eyes. “Why?” I choke, feeling the warmth of heartache leap from my lashes.

“Where have you been? I looked everywhere.” My best friend inquires as she peeks around the corner of the door. “Oh,” she whispers as she slowly walks towards me. “Are you all right?” She questions, not sure if she should come any closer.

I lie to her, “Fine.” She doesn’t seem convinced.

“Something is not right. What happened out there?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I say through my tears, walking out the door. She doesn’t follow. I drag my feet in the direction of the main entrance, keeping my eyes low so no one can see my face. ALMOST THERE, ALMOST THERE. I repeat in my head.
“Hey, wait up.” I could hear from behind me, but I kept on walking. “Come on, I just want to talk to you.” It is he, the one person in the world I hate most.

ALMOST THERE ALMOST-

He interrupts my train of thought, “I love you.”

“You what?” I gasp, pivoting on my right heel to face the enemy.

“You know I love you,” He states.

LIKE YOU KNOW WHATS IN MY HEAD. I think to myself.

I wait a moment before I reply, “No I don’t know that, heck I don’t believe it either.”

“What can I do to prove myself?” he asks me with sorrow in his voice.

“you already have,” I tell him as I turn to walk away. I feel his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me to face him.

I push him away and continue towards the door. “How?” he poses the one word question, his puzzled face reflects off the wall-to-wall glass at the end of the corridor.

“I’ve asked myself the same,” I sneer with a smirk, as I step over the threshold to the outside world. I turn back for one last glimpse. She leaps into his arms pressing her lips to his. BE STRONG, WALK AWAY. I try to convince myself, HE DOESN‘T LOVE YOU. My vision of them blurs, I wipe my eyes viscously with the back of my sleeve. He turns from her to look at…me? HE’S PUSHING HER AWAY? IS HE… He’s leaving her. Walking for the doors with a serious expression on his face. WHAT NOW? “I don’t think I can take anymore of this,” I say behind my teeth before he pushes through the door.

I start to walk away, “Babe, Please?” his plead stops me dead in my tracks.

“You, you haven’t called me that since-”

He finishes my sentence, “Our first dance, together.” I can feel the tears on the edge of my lashes threatening to leap and give me away at any moment. “Babe, don’t” But I can’t stop them now. He pulls me close and whispers in my wind-chilled ear, “I love you so much.”

“What about-” I couldn’t finish, the tears choking my words away.

“I thought you were mad at me,” he answered my unasked question.

I pulled away from him, “ No, I can’t do this. Not again.”

“I do love you,” his attempt to convince me failing miserably. He calls after me trying to get me attention. I am not listening to him but to the swift wind as it billows through the empty branches. Whirling the leaves around my bare ankles. The icy wind blisters my tearstained face as I slowly walk away from the one person I though I could count on. The one person I thought I loved. As I walk on further down the poorly lit street I answer my own question. HE’S JUST ANOTHER BOY.





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