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Numb.

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she walks down the dark, cold corridor. each footstep echoing in the silent hall. she rushes to see out the window. that red car in the drive way bellowing out to her. she can feel it the tensing of muscles, the stomach turning,. she thinks to herself. "its happening again just take the medicine like the good doctor prescribed and everything will be better". thats the lie she believes even if its to herself.
she reaches for the wall to find her way to the bathroom. when her house becomes strange and unknown she knows its to late. but she fights pushing herself towards the door of the bathroom and leaning in to see the reflection of herself smiling back at her as if laughing. she reaches for the bottle of pills as she pushes the mirror to the side to open it. she pulls the green and pink pill from the bottle and slowly digests it. she feels the stomach acid slowly working its way to digest the pill and relieve relief to her now aching body.

numb. it was always like this ever since she was little she couldn't feel a thing and now the pills made her feel. did she even want to feel anymore. the pain of love, the heartbreak of losing a loved one, the joy of feeling every substance in the world, and touching. she had missed those days when feeling meant absolutely nothing to her.

she was sick yes but what made her even sicker was feeling. at fourteen years old her loved ones found out she couldnt feel pain or much less anything else. so she went to the doctor like a good little girl just to make her parents happy and got shots now older they trusted her with pills. she did not want to feel anything like she did now. she wanted to be oblivious to all sorts of pain stubbing her toe on a door and not finding out she has a bruise till later. yes this is what she wanted. but she felt compelled to be a good little girl and take her medicine. "what happened to freedom." she thought to herself while waiting to hear the keys jingle. in the front door.

"nele im home!"a cry came from the doorway as the door opened."simple things like the groceries cant be done in ten minutes"

"i wonder if i would even care if i felt numb again" she thought holding on to the bottle of pills in her hand. and through the remaining pills down the toilet and flushed. it was her first stand and her last. the first stand of being herself and the last stand she would ever feel and it felt good. would the rest feel as good as this?





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