Zipper The Duranged Penguin

May 25, 2010
By Anonymous

Zipper was a strange little penguin. He had no friends, no parents, and no common sense. He could never keep a decent job and he never had a steady relationship. But worst of all, he was constantly teased and abused by everyone and everything around him. At least so he thought. He was convinced that everything had it out for him, even the ice and the "pole" in the center of the South Pole.
He was on his last straw when he met Chuck Norris. Chuck turned Zipper's life around. Or at least so he thought. It turns out that it was not the real Chuck Norris, but instead it was Chuck Norris's evil twin. Zipper, however, did not know this. He thought that the real Chuck Norris was nice on TV and not in real life. So he ignored the fact that he was teaching him how to take over the entire world, and just went with his teachings to take over the World.
After 3 months of world domination training, Zipper was finally ready to take over the world. He still had not figured out that he was really being taught by Buck Norris. the day had finally came for Zipper to take over the world. There was one thing missing, a Tank. World domination is obviously not possible without a tank. This however was no ordinary tank. It was a Minitar Tank. the biggest tank in the entire world. nothing could stop it. Zipper did not know where to get it. So he tried to call the army. They would not even answer the phone because of all the prank calls Zipper had made to prepare for his attack. The tank was not available for Zipper to get anywhere, even the Tank Store did not have any in stock. Zipper was saddened by the fact, but he had to move on with his plan.
He was on his way to the FBI building to take them out first. But then the real Chuck Norris walked out of the building right as Zipper was walking in with his bombs. Zipper said," Why are you here, this is my building to destroy." That is when he realized there was something different about him. This person was taller with a bigger build and had a beard. Zipper looked at him and asked,"Are you the real Chuck Norris?", think his answer would of course be," No, I am his evil twin brother." He was wrong. Zipper thought to him self, what is going on here?.
Then Chuck Norris asked."What are you doing with those pipe bombs, were you planning on taking over the world or something?"
Zipper replied,"It is none of your business, now get out of my way or I will kill you.", in a shaky voice.
"Do you really want to do this or is someone forcing you to do this?" asked Chuck.
Zipper having no patience armed the bomb and threw it into the building, to start his world domination. however, Chuck caught the bomb and crushed it before it could go off. Zipper with an astonished face fainted. Then came Buck Norris. he was armed with weapons of all kinds. He stared at Chuck and said," It's go time Chuck." Chuck stared with no emotion showing. Before you could blink your eyes Buck was already dead. He should have known better than to face the worlds most powerful man.
All of the sudden Zipper woke up. When he looked around to see what was going, he saw Buck dead on the ground next to him. Then he saw Chuck walking away. Zipper threw a Semtex grenade at Chuck, it was a successful stick. Chuck looked back to see what was on him, he saw the grenade, but just kept walking away. BOOM!!! Then arose a pillar of smoke. Zipper stated to laugh. It almost immediately turned into silence. What was happen? What was going on? Zipper once again fell to the ground, unconscious. This time it was with a good reason. He was shot with a trank dart in the back, by an animal control person. Who appeared to be Chuck Norris. But how could this be, he is dead. little did Zipper know that Chuck was not susceptible to death. Chuck picked him up and said,"As long as I am alive you will never take over the world!"
What was going to happen to Zipper. Well it turns out that in the state of Alabama you can charge a penguin for breaking the law. Today Zipper lives in a zoo for the rest of his life with no chance of getting out.

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