The Land of Sparkly Onions This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

May 25, 2010
By , Houston, TX
The Land of Onions was going through a horrible time. The evil Count Cauliflower has taken over there land. The Onion King has been captured by the evil broccoli men, minions of Count Cauliflower. The son of La Reina Española de Cebollas Brilliantes had only one son, and he was Sir Sparkly Onion. He was a knight of the oval table. He was named after his mother’s title as the Spanish queen of sparkly onions. He was a handsome bachelor, and every girl onion of there land dreamed about him. But now he had to throw away his bachelor life and become the savior of there land.

Two weeks before… “Extra! Extra! The king has just been kidnapped! The Evil Count Cauliflower has captured him!” shouted the garlic newspaper boy. “OH NO!” shouted La Reina Española de Cebollas Sparkly. “What will we do?”

“I know what we will do,” said Sir Sparkly Onion. “I’ll fight him!”
“But how? You have no training at all,” said the Queen.
“I’ll train with the great master Red Onion,” Said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“How? He’s all the way up in Mount Eggplant. Only three people have ever made it up there. You’re not even in shape. All you know how to do is get with girls. You’re a bachelor not a world savior.” said the queen.
“The world depends on me, and I have to do it,” said Sir Sparkly Onion

Sparkly Onion gathered everything he needed for the trip, and headed out to seek aid of master Red Onion. He trekked long and hard up the mountain, and finally reached a little house. He went up and knocked on the door. A voice said, “Go away!”
Sir Sparkly Onion replied, “It is I, Sir Sparkly Onion, and I have come to seek your aid.”
“Sir Sparkly Onion? The greatest prince of all time? The greatest knight of the oval table? ” said the voice.
Then the eye slot opened and there were master Red Onion’s eyes beaming at Sir Sparkly Onion.
“My God, it really is you,” said Master Red Onion.
“Yes it is, now can you open the door please, our land is in trouble and I need your help,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Okay.” Then the door swung open and there standing was the greatest onion warrior of all time. The great master Red Onion.
“Ok, our land is in serious trouble. My father, the land’s king, has been captured by evil Count Cauliflower’s minions, the Broccoli Men. They have taken him to him and now he is a prisoner. We have been told to surrender or he dies. We need to get him back,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Well that sounds like a big problem to me. Let me think it over with a delicious pie. Would you care for some?” said Master Red Onion.
“What this is a matt-”
“SILENCE! I must eat my pie in peace.”
“What are you talking about? The whole land of onions is in danger! You’re the great master Red Onion! We need your help,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“I’m telling you to let me eat my pie in peace. Then I’ll help you,” said master Red Onion.

Sir Sparkly Onion sat in the floor of Master Red Onion’s hut while he ate his pie. The master downed the last peace, and said,” So what do you need help with?”
“Everything,” replied Sir Sparkly Onion. “All I know how to do is get girls,” stated Sir Sparkly Onion
“I knew a young onion boy like you once,” said Master Red Onion.
“Well, could you train him? Did he succeed?” asked Sir Sparkly Onion.
“I tried training him. He was a complete failure. He couldn’t even lift a stick to fight with,” said Master Red Onion.
“Wow. I shouldn’t have asked that. Now I feel like I am going to die,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Well, technically speaking you have a 96% chance of dying. But that’s only technically speaking,” said Master Red Onion.
“Will you please just train me already!?” shouted Sir Sparkly Onion. His face was so red that you could see steam coming off of it.
“Don’t be mad, or you’ll turn into a steamed red onion,” said Master Red Onion.
“I give up!” shouted Sir Sparkly Onion. Then he stormed out the door.

As he walked out the door, a group of Count Cauliflower’s minions, the Broccoli men were standing there. The head of the group shouted “Attack!” Sir Sparkly Onion ran back inside where there sitting was still Master Red Onion. Then the door broke open and out of nowhere Master Red Onion back flipped onto one of the Broccoli’s heads and ripped it off, leaving only the stem. Cheese sauce started oozing out of him. Then he pulled out his cane and lashed through the next Broccoli Man. He then threw Sir Sparkly Onion a sword of the wall. Sir Sparkly Onion whipped around and stabbed through two Broccoli Men at once. He then shouted, “Back to back!” Then Master Red Onion and Sir Sparkly Onion teamed up, each one slicing through the next Broccoli Man. Then there was one left. Sir Sparkly Onion turned around and ran up Master Red Onion’s back, then back flipped and landed behind their last guy. He then sliced through him with no mercy. They looked around and all there was was cheese and broccoli.
“I thought you would never learn,” said Master Red Onion.
“Wow, I didn’t know I could do that,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something?” asked Master Red Onion.
“Oh! Yeah! I need to save my dad, and our land,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.

Sir Sparkly Onion made his way down the treacherous Mount Eggplant and went straight for Count Cauliflower. He came up to the place where Count Cauliflower was at, with all his evil broccoli minions. He sneaked around, by a bush and saw that there were two guards at the door. He decided to take them from the side. He crawled around till he was exactly in line with the guards. He then sprinted out with the sword from Master Red Onion’s hut in his hand. He got to the Broccoli Men so fast, that they didn’t react. He again killed two in one shot. He then took the security pass from the Broccoli Men, and swiped the pad and the door swung open. Sir Sparkly Onion had disregarded the fact that there were cameras. There waiting for him was Count Cauliflower and his dad.

“You’re too late!” boomed Count Cauliflower. “You’re precious land is mine. Your father has just signed over the land, in return for his life. To bad I don’t play fair.” Then out of no where he drew out his sword and stabbed the onion king. He fell to the ground gasping for air. The onion king was stabbed in the lungs and had barely anytime left. Sir Sparkly Onion rushed to his side while Count Cauliflower took off. Sir Sparkly Onion then started to cry.
His father then said, “Son, tell me your crying cause there’s a fresh cut onion, and not that I am going to die. Please, just for me. Now go son. I believe in you.” said the Onion King while gasping for air. Then his eyes closed and that was his last breath.
“I must keep my father’s request. I have to fight count cauliflower,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.

Then Sir Sparkly Onion took off running after Count Cauliflower. He chased after him through a maze of hallways. He then stopped at a four way intersection. No one was around. He had no idea which way to go. He then fell to the ground crying. Tears were streaming down his face. H thought to himself he had to be crying because of freshly cut onions. Then as he looked to the ground he noticed a white streak. It was the trail from Count Cauliflower. He got up and followed the trail. He ran into a room where the trail stopped. He looked around but no one was there. Then a loud thud came from behind him, and the door slammed shut. He turned around shaking layers off himself. There peering over him was the Evil Count Cauliflower. Then the sword drew from Count Cauliflower and Struck Sir Sparkly Onion. He was paralyzed from the legs down.

“Any last request before you die?” said Count Cauliflower.
“Yeah, I have one for you,” said Sir Sparkly Onion. “Look at the ceiling. It says gullible.”
Then Count Cauliflower turned his head up slowly and then said, “What are you talking about? The ceiling doe-” Then Sir Sparkly Onion raided his sword and stabbed right through Count Cauliflower’s heart. He died immediately, hitting the ground with a thud. Just like the Broccoli Men, cheese started oozing out of him. But he had white cheese.

“YES!” shouted Sir Sparkly Onion. “I did it! I defeated the Evil Count Cauliflower!”

Then the door busted open and there was a whole force of APF’s.

“Finally the Apple Police Force is here,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Here let me help you up,” said the head of the APF’s.

The APF’s put Sir Sparkly Onion on a stretcher, and took him to the hospital. He had to go into immediate surgery to stop his legs from being permanently paralyzed. When Sir Sparkly Onion woke up, there was Master Red Onion eating his pie. “I made ala mode. You want some? It’s my favorite,” asked Master Red Onion. Then Sir Sparkly Onion laughed and rolled over to see the sight of his mother.
“Mom what are you doing here? You’re the queen of all the land. You can’t be in a hospital,” said Sir Sparkly Onion.
“Not anymore,” replied La Reina Española de Cebollas Brilliantes. “Without a King, I can’t be Queen. My terms are up. You’re the king now. You own everything. You were the only heir, and we all knew you were ready after you defeated Count Cauliflower. Congrats, son. You earned it.”

Two Weeks Later…

“Thank you. Thank you,” said Sir Sparkly Onion King of All Onions. He was at a feast with all the onions of the nation. He had just completed the ceremony to become the king. He was now to be called, Sir Sparkly Onion, King of The Land of Onions. Then across all the land came a voice booming, “I AM THE GREAT DOUBLE DARK CHOCALATE BROWNIE. I AM HERE TO TAKE YOUR LAND. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE THEN I WILL GET MY EVIL CHOCALATE CHIP MINIONS TO KILL YOU!”
“Maybe this time chocolate sauce will come out when we kill this dessert,” said Sir Sparkly Onion while winking at Master Red Onion.

Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback