Bob the deliverator of thy pizza This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

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“What is this!” exclaimed Bob the pizza delivery man, holding up the extra large double strength Ziploc bag, filled to the brim with assorted coins. The customer stared at Bob blankly, his eyes in an emotionless daze as his mouth hung open almost hypnotically. He began to mumble what seemed like words, but their meaning was somehow lost in an insistent groaning sound in the customers voice. After making the strange noises for several minutes the customer began to increase the volume of his malicious groans into freakishly violent squeals and yells, flailing his flabby arms in some sort of bizarre blood fueled ape rage as he convulsed in front of Bob. Oh god the noise of his voice! thought Bob the noise!, He had to stop him. “Wait, no please you have to stop!” begged Bob now brought to his knees by the sounds, but it was no use, the groaning and yelling continued and its cacophonous chorus began to ring in Bob’s mind. As Bob began to shake on the floor and foam from the corners of his lips he screamed for mercy “Stop it, my god man you have to stop it!” his voice drowning and gasping for air in the expansive sea that was the customers voice.
Bob’s eyes began to twitch and his mouth started to shake as his veins were pumped purple with rage. And just as his mindless fury was about to snap his patience in half forcing him to brutally murder the customer, the groaning and yelling ceased and the customer returned to his vegetated state, standing, just standing on his doorstep, completely motionless except for the gentle swaying of his bathrobe in the autumn wind. Bob began to relax, his mind clearing of the painful squeals and shouts. Je thanked the customer for his business and broken into a running walk, clenching his sack of coins in fear that the groaning would begin again before he could make it to his car.
Thankfully Bob reached the car, shakily he clambered to the door, almost falling into his seat in relief as he sank into the cushions of his pizza mobile. Bob let out a sigh and his shoulders relaxed as the blood began to drain from his face and his skin returned to its pale white complexion. But as Bob began to calm himself, he turned to his right and surely enough, there in the passenger seat, were the two large pizzas the customer had ordered.
Cursing himself for his monumental forgetfulness and stupidity, Bob rapidly threw his arms around the inside of the car, beating on the glass and stomping the floor. Staring at the shaking of the car from several feet away the customer resumed his chorus of groans and squeal, yet again flubbing his gelatinous form around the porch in furious seizure like rage.

Bob, stopped moving and froze in mid spastic motion, his fist’s still poised to beat his own genitals in frustration. slowly and without moving any part of his body, Bob turned his head, peering out the window in utter horror at the groaning customer. His mind was racing as he stared into the blubbery face of the customer, “I have to serve the customer!” thought Bob in silent dread “If I don’t they’ll surely kill me”. Now practically feverishly pale and sweating, Bob reached for the pizzas on the other seat, slowly he opened his door and started to approach the customer, his legs and arms shivering in tremors from the horrible sound of the customers voice. As he reached the first concrete porch step, he set the pizzas on the front of the stoop and steadily slid them across the matted and dirtied surface until they were at the customers feet. The fat man stopped moaning, he looked down at the pizzas and then he looked at Bob. Bob, now cowering in a ball, began to unfold himself and slowly inch away from the porch. “Thank you for picking Frank’s amazing pizza, enjoy your meal” he said, and then he bolted for the car and drove away never once looking back as the customer began to devour the pizza, screaming in joy as he rubbed his face into the greasy cheese, licking the cardboard in revolting pleasure.

This was an average day in the life of Bob the delivery man, and while he sped away into the starless overcast night down the rain slicked winding snake of the road, Bob silently dreaded what the next day would bring.





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