There’s just so much I didn’t say.

Light-heartedly playing with the necklace in my hands, I remember looking up to smile at you. Something like contentment passed through your expression as you bent down to eye level with me.

Your fingers sifted through my hair and I remembered I had giggled. Black long and silky locks entwine within your grasp as you pulled me into an embrace. You muttered something—something I couldn’t hear. But it was endearing and I wrapped my arms around your neck, telling you things that you probably couldn’t hear either.

“I’ll be leaving again tonight,” you made it clear for my ears.

I remember slipping out of your hold and feeling betrayed all over again. You had just come home. And you were suddenly going away? My vision blurred as I backed away, shaking my head in denial.

“Why?”

“Don’t…” you stood up and reached for me. I remember dashing away—away from you. Your eyes turned to hurt but I didn’t care. I was just so tired of being alone and you leaving all the time.

“Why do you fight?”

I remember asking it in such a wounded and shaky voice. My hands clutched for the necklace again. It was yours—you gave it to me awhile back. I held it within my fingers tightly, finding the smallest security within the object.

You turned away, frowning and sighing. Your form slid down the wall, tired and weary. I know why you were always tired: you fought for those stupid people.

“I fight for you.”

“No!”

I remember curling my fists to my sides, angry and distraught, confused. You made no sense to me—if you loved your sister so much, you should have stayed here with me. Not put your life on the line every single day for some cause that seemed pointless and terrible!

I remember thinking you didn’t understand at all. You didn’t understand that when you left, I was by myself all the time. That I worried you would never walk through the door ever again. You just didn’t understand.

Most of all, I remember you leaving anyway, stepping outside that door with those words I yearn for now.

“I love you, you know.”

Even though I wanted to, I didn’t say anything back to you.