No Goodbyes

April 8, 2010
By , Haikou, China
You had no right to leave us. Not like this. Your life wasn't yours to take. It was mine too. It was your brother's, your's mom's, and your dad's.
Yes I'm mad. And not just because I miss you.
You didn't think about anybody but yourself. You left and it changed everything.
Your brother doesn't play soccer for the team anymore. He won't say why, but you know. We all know why. Watching the games won't feel right without you.
Your mom just sits in your room and cries a lot. She hasn't made the bed or washed your laundry, since that day you left. It stills smells like your gym shoes in there.
Your dad might lose his job. He hasn't been well. You know how he gets sick when he's stressed.
I know this makes you feel bad. You should feel bad. You were selfish. You thought that getting rid of your problems would be the end of it. Everything was always about you. It wasn't the end though. Not for us. You left us with so many memories and so much pain.
No, this is just the beginning. The beginning of trying to pick up the pieces of us left from your storm. I know we won't be able to pick up all of them. The pieces are too small.
I know she won't, but your mom has been wanting to ask me something since that day. I can see it in the way she looks at me. A question that hurts to think about.
Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me you were in pain.
I was your best friend. We told each other everything. We could have talked about it.
I could have helped you.
You have no excuse for what you did. You were never alone. We loved you so much.
I don't understand.
We were supposed to go to college together. Now I have to go alone, along with the big void that you so graciously left me.
Yes I'm mad. And you should know it's because I can't stop missing you.

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