Mishter Shalashashasha

April 16, 2010
By MrNick SILVER, Bradford, Massachusetts
MrNick SILVER, Bradford, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And you are but a thought -- a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!" ~ Mark Twain


“Hello!” Billy said to Mister Salasasasa. Billy was one of those annoying kids who talked to people he didn’t know, and it looked like he picked Mister Salasasasa to annoy today. Mister Salasasasa turned around and pushed his thick, square glasses farther back onto his face.

“Hello. Who are you?” he asked, his braces making him spit on Billy a tad.

“My name is Billy. Well, my first name is William. I don’t know how you get Billy from William, but that’s my name anyway. William Drange.”

“Well, William, it’sh an honor to make your acquaintansh. My name is Mishter Shalashashasha.”

“Mister Shalashashasha?” Billy inquired.

“No!” shouted Mister Salasasasa, with little spittle particles projecting at Billiam’s face. “My name ish Mishter Shalashashasha. Esh-ay-el-ay-esh-ay-esh-ay-esh-ay. Shalashashasha.”

“Oh!” was the exclamation that Billy made. “Mister Salasasasa!”

“Yesh.”

“Why do you pronounce it ‘Shalashashasha?’”

“I don’t shay my shurname like that, you schilly boy!”

“Yes you do.”

“Don’t, ‘Yesh you do’ me!” Mister Salasasasa barked, drooling on his suit a little bit. “I know what I shaid, and I didn’t shay my shurname like that.”

“Mister Salasasasa, I think you have a speech impediment.”

“What type of shpeech imhspediment?”

“You say your ‘Ess-es’ like ‘shh.’”

“Don’t be shuch a shtinking liar!” Mister Salasasasa shouted, soaking Billy’s face with saliva.

“I’m not lying,” Billy said, getting nervous at Mister Salasasasa’s anger.

“I don’t have a thpeech impediment like that,” Mister Salasasasa shouted. “I have a lithp. And I’m very offended that you could be tho… inthenthitive!” All the while, Mister Salasasasa was sprinkling Billiam.

“You- you just changed it!” Billiam said, wide-eyed. “You changed your speech impediment to a lisp!”

“I did no thuch thing! I have a lithp, I’ve alwayth had a lithp. It’th truly a thad thing to thuffer.”

Billy just stared at Mister Salasasasa with his mouth open. Finally, he asked, “What was your name?”

“Mithter Thalathatha.”

Time passed.

“Sa?” Billy asked, trying to complete Mister Salasasasa’s name.

But Mister Salasasasa objected, “No. Jutht Thalathatha. Not Thalathathatha.”

Billy had a blank look on his face, said, “Ok. Whatever,” and walked away.

“Excuse me,” Mister Salasasasa said as Billy began running away. “Have yourself a splendid Saturday!”


The author's comments:
One day, I just decided to write about some guy who pronounces his "s" sounds incorrectly. I reasoned that I have a slight lisp, so making fun of others with speech problems was ok because I was making fun of myself. This is short, not extremely well written, and rather pointless, but I liked it.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1 comment.


jb4eva said...
on May. 6 2010 at 6:57 pm

rofl!!!

i couldn't stop laughing.  thish ish sho funny! i'm giving it five shtars great work!!!



SciArc

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!