To reassure myself

April 16, 2010
By Shelagal BRONZE, Cottonwood Falls, Kansas
Shelagal BRONZE, Cottonwood Falls, Kansas
1 article 1 photo 0 comments

A breath in....A breath out...
I didn't feel him come up behind me, and I jumped when he finally did.
"OH MY-! Oh..." breath "Crank....gosh...why must you do that?"
"Sorry..." He said softly, I could see his red eyes flick up at me in the dark. I sighed,
"It's fine..." and sat up, he moved away on the bed, sitting cross-legged on the end, his long legs awkwardly taking up most of the bed.
He was just a thought, but he seemed real, "you've been quiet," I said softly, placing the pillows behind me so I could sit back, drawing the blankets on my bed up a little bit more. He didn't say anything, and I sighed again,
"I know what's been on your mind."
"You always know what's on my mind, you created me, remember?" He said it with a bit of an edge too his voice, though it wasn't entirely angry, just...sad, thoughtful even.
"Not in every way, there's still so much I don't know," cocking my head to one side I looked him over again, he was like a ghost in the dark of the room. The white of his clothes blending in with his skin, why he wore so much white when his skin was already so pale I would never know.
He just stared at me through his bangs, and sighed, looking at his hands in his lap again, they were fidgeting.
One of the many things we had in common, unless restricted, our hands always had to be working on something. I reached out and placed a hand on one of his,
"hey, it's not the end of the world..."
"Just the end of the day." A small smile flicked across his face as he cracked that joke, and I glanced at the clock 11:59 I laughed and looked back at him.
"See?" I smiled lightly, "It's not that bad."
"Not that bad!? How-! H...Ack!" He pulled his hand away and lent back, placing his hands over his eyes. I frowned,
"Look, love, it really isn't that can do it." I placed my hand back on his knee and looked at him as he sighed again, pulling his hands from his eyes he ran one of them throw the blue part of his hair.
"I know I can...that's not what I'm worried about. I'm...I'm worried about him."
"Oooh..." I sighed, pulling my hand away this time and sitting back, looking back up at the ceiling. Then smiled softly and looked back, laughing a little bit, Crank frowned, his brow furrowing,
"What!?" He said, a little more like yelling, and crossed his arms, obviously unhappy he was getting laughed at again, and not when he wanted it.
"You'll be fine! Look, don't you listen sometimes?" I patted him on the cheek, "Tiffany sa-"
"Yes yes yes, I know what Tiffany said but..."
"But what? Lever can totally handle herself." I smiled at him and chuckled, and he looked away at the sound of her name. He didn't seem to want to hear it right now, I presumed he was thinking too much now, and almost all of those thoughts were on her. I sighed again, and wiggled in place leaning foward and hugging him, he wasn't surprised about it, but it seemed like he was by the way he reacted. "Relax, okay? Malachi won't be able to sway her, and even if he does come I real-"
"You don't know that, you don't know that!" He freaked, pushing me away and getting up, walking across the room and sighing, looking inside my small hamster cage. The hamster hid under a bunch of wood chips and I sighed,
"Just relax...I do know that, plus, you're so handsome how could she leave you for Malachi anyway?" I winked, laughing, but Crank's mood only seem to sour.
"Yeah, handsome, like girls really want an old fart who looks like a twig with neon hair."
"Well obviously she likes it,"
"She only likes it because I have a huge...ahem...yes." He looked awkward for a moment, and I laughed again, he still didn't look happy about this,
"That may be a bit of it but have more courage in yourself dude," I threw the blankets off myself, getting up and opening the blinds so the moonlight would poor in. He sighed, glancing at a beautiful full moon out the window walking up behind me as I watched. "You've got a lot going for you, more than just experience and a big d***-" he blushed slightly at that, obviously her blood hadn't worked it's way out of his system, "-you maybe random and rather annoying at times, andddd a little irrational, but hah, you're funny."
"Are you hitting on me?" Crank blinked, then laughed, his humor coming back, I joined him,
"maybeee, but even so, that just proves it."
"No it doesn't, you're strange, and therefor don't count."
I rolled my eyes, he was much stranger, but I was just going to let him take that one.
"Feeling better yet?" I asked, looking back and up at him, his white face made whiter by the moonlight, the only features distinguisable on his slender face were his eyes and the tattoo upon his forehead. He sighed,
"Slightly...still worried, what if she [i]does[/i] like him more than me!? What if I don't satisfy her enough!?"
I giggled, and then snorted at that, quickly clasping a hand to my face but giggled again,
"I realllly don't think it's the last one."
"Even so, there's too many factors in this for me to feel alright yet."
"Well ignoring her's not going to do any good y'know."
Crank's face blanked, he obviously hadn't thought about that consequence,
"What if he's already hereee!?" He gasped, clutching his head and turning, I grabbed his arm and laughed again,
"He always sends leraine to see you when he does, doesn't he?"
"Yeah..." he calmed slightly at this, but still looked worried, "I'm just...I...don't know..." he set his chin on my head, his arms hanging limply at his sides. I flinched slightly, it hurt quite a bit having that weight and edge on my head.
"Look, I'm sure it'll all turn out fine love, go get laid again, you'll feel better then."
Crank looked more thoughtful again now, and I sighed yet again, smiling softly at him,
"who knows...maybe she's the next Meridian."
Crank's eyes got wider and he looked at me, a sadness and wonder a mix in his eyes, though my own soft expression didn't change. This was my job, to support my own fictional characters, my own thoughts, if someone had been to walk in right there, they would've seen me, standing alone in my nightgown and PJ pants, talking to myself and smiling at nothing.
"M...maybe...." he finally said after what seemed like eternity. He sniffled for a moment, then started to cry, he didn't like hearing that name. I sighed, and pulled him closer, hugging him as he cried upon my shoulder. But pushed him off after a moment, wiped his tears then went to my desk, pulling a small daisy from a vase of freshly picked flowers.
"Everything'll work out fine, we're behind you, you know that." I smiled and he nodded, taking the flower from me, and looking at it in his hands for a moment.
"I...I know....alright." He smiled, thoughtfully yet happy now, and nodded, though when he turned to leave I stopped him once more, pulling his face down and kissing him on the forehead.
"You're my baby, like I'd let you have a bad ending." I chuckled, he blushed slightly again, like a little child just complimented by a parent, and in a way, he was. I let go of his face and waved towards the door, "now go! I have a school in the morning!"
He laughed, but nodded, hugging me once more and disappearing out the door.
Sighing softly I looked around the room, he hadn't left, he was never gone, and I smiled as I got back into bed, everything was going to be fine.

The author's comments:
This is something every author goes through, especially if their characters seem a bit more real to them than others.
Talking to them, a pep talk, telling them that they can do it.

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