Why is Life the Way It Is? This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

April 14, 2010
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Somewhere close, close by, in a world before the division of animals and man, bears coexisted with humans. They lived together and were always peaceful. There were rarely ever any fights between the two species. This all changed though, with the birth of Goldilox.*

Goldilox was born in a two hundred story igloo in the heart of the Sahara Desert to parents she never knew. She was left as an orphan on the front steps of Chuck Norris' personal glass gym in Antarctica. Chuck Norris found her outside and adopted her as his own child. For twenty-three years Chuck trained her in the ways of awesomeness, until she was almost as good as him. She could chop 264,000 concrete slabs in half at one time with her round house kick, and could shatter and iceberg with one blow. On the twenty-third anniversary of the day Goldilocks was abandoned on Chucks doorstep, she suddenly had an vision about how her parents had been killed. In her vision she learned that after her birth her parents had decided to go on a touring trip of Antarctica. While they were touring an iceberg, they were killed by a rogue group of Mafia Polar Bears with rocket launchers.

When Goldilox returned to reality, she was so mad that she vowed to rid the world of all bears of any type. Soon after she left her adoptive father, Chuck, to join the Secret Service; an organization that was also determined to destroy all bears. For forty days and forty nights, Goldilox swam up the Atlantic Ocean, though six hurricanes, until she reached Augusta, Maine. The secret headquarters of the Secret Services. She was gladly accepted into their organization, since Chuck Norris had once been their leader.

As her official initiation into the Secret Service she was given the job of killing the "Papa," "Mama," and "Baby" bear. They were the three main leaders of the bears and made all of the decisions. Goldilox waited until the three bears went out of their top secret, high security military base located in Michigan; they were traveling to one of their many labs to work on developing their plutonium bomb. While they were gone, Goldilox snuck into the three bear's private wing of the headquarters, by digging a tunnel 14,000 feet under the ground with a plastic spoon. It took her two hours, and when she finally dug through the floor of their room she was in their personal kitchen. There she found three bowls of porridge being cooked, which she drugged with a highly poisonous chemical. After that she went to their living chambers and rigged 24,000 pounds of weight activated C4 under each of their chairs. Finally, she connected their beds to a 200,000 volt electric current.

After she goy back outside of the bear's military base, she planted nuclear land mines in a six hundred mile radius to ensure that as many bears as possible would be wounded or destroyed. As she was just about to leave the bear's territory, a group of half a million bears ambushed her in a ten mile high canyon. Using her master's, Chuck Norris, round house kick and her remaining 2,400 pounds of C4 she fought off the bears. After thirty minutes of fighting only 120 bears remained, and all that Goldilox had was a scratch on her arm.

Goldilox was so exhausted that she barely had any strength left to make the trip back to the Secret Service. So, she decided instead to rope a giant, yellow, flying flamingo. Twenty days later Goldilox was parachuting down from 62,000 feet to the Secret Service. They informed her that she had succeeded in eliminating the "Mama" and "Baby" bear, but that the "Papa" bear had survived all of he assassination attempts, and was now raging mad. The man also told Goldilox that in sixteen hours he remainder of the bears were going to launch a full scale nuclear attack on the Secret Service, and that he had no idea when it would end.

For fourteen years the bears bombarded the Secret Service with their entire stockpile of nuclear and atomic bombs. They also used up all of their guns, cannons, and missiles trying to penetrate the defenses of the Secret Service. THe bears were so engulfed in their attack that they never ever bothered to make any more missiles. As hard as they tried the bars co;led never breach the Secret Service's walls, though. THe walls themselves were make of 2,000 feet of solid thick steel. Through out the entire battle, only six secret service men were killed. After the bears were completely out of ammo, the sect Service launched a counterattack. Since the bears had used up all of their weapons in their attack, they were defenseless,and the Secret Service had soon overwhelmed them. In a last ditch effort, "Papa" bear organized a team of scientists to work on a top secret machine. When the machine was ready the "Papa" bear ordered all of the bears still alive into one room. When they were all tougher the command was given to pull the switch on the machine. All of the bears in the room had their rain transformed into that of a wild animal, and their bodies become instantaneously adapted to live in the wild; with all the natural instincts to survive.

As the Secret Service closed in on them the bears went through secret tunnels in the floor to the wold where no humans waver went. They blinded in with all of the other animals there, and the humans never suspected what happened to the bears. Instead of investigating further into their disappearance, they held a fourteen month long party in celebration of their victory. During which time they make Goldilox their Queen Leader, and built the city of New York.

The bears built a way to reverse the effaces of the machine but over the years it has been completely and utterly forgotten. A long time later when the humans finally make expeditions into the wild they found the bears, and treated the as if they and never been equal to humans. Therefore, you now know the reason that lies bend why bears currently reside in the wild, and why they are not equipped with the talent to develop weapons of destruction. You can now also understand why bears do not have opposable thumbs.

*Note: Goldilox is intentionally spelled this way to add the effect of Modernization.

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