That’s the thing about wanting something you cant have it makes you want it even more. But I cant get the memories out of my head to forget, Because if I forget I will not be able to want or to crave it down to its very essence. For some reason I cant let it go, it seems as if it’s the very motivation of my existence! And the then the time comes down to question if that’s what I want, to forget it but more important if that’s what I need to do, to forget it, or if I suffer the defeat of doing what I want instead of doing what I need. Needs come before wants, do they not? A question I can not answer myself yet, although I think I can truly grasp the answer if I wanted to, but I just don’t want to acknowledge the truth, for I have my own. One that I will hold on to and believe, but what if in doing that I can turn my need into an obsession and outcome that I slightly disdain, because then it would be madness . Madness? Madness? I then realize that its not that I want or crave it I envy it. Tears of envy dance down my face as I look as the endless days and nights of forever stretch before me.
Tears of Envy
April 8, 2010