The Makings of A Hero

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As I casually walk into principal Bundy’s office I notice that he is out of tape. I pick up his stapler and begin to dispense staple after staple. As I do, he looks at me, “Please don’t do that.” I click the stapler faster and faster. In any other situation, I would have a lunch detention, but I am untouchable. Why, you might ask. Because I am P.I.S.S. Yeah that’s right, Police Inside School Systems. I am a key informant on a ring of bathroom vandals and I alone have vital information on fights and pda’s. I don’t work for free though. In exchange for my services, I have complete Immunity from all school punishment. But today I have something more important than annoying principal Bundy. “Hey there Theo! How’s my favorite principal today” Principal Bundy looked up

“You know I prefer Ted.”

“Whatever, Theodore.”

I would continue this torture, but today I have more important business to attend to. I David Berkowitz have key information on a shipment of fireworks to the bathroom vandals who plan to set them off in study hall and crack the fine 1947 ceramic toilet bowls. When I told Bundy, his jaw dropped.

“Who else knows about this?”

“I haven’t even told my own father.”

“Sam is a good guy, he won’t tell anybody. In fact, the main reason that I recruited you was because you were his son. Anyway you need to stop by headquarters after school today.”

“I don’t like the idea of that.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t been to headquarters since I’ve been undercover."

"To bad, you're going."

"No!"

"Yes"

"No"

"Fine, you don't have to go."

"This is only because you don't trust me! I'm going."

"Great, see you there."

"No, I told you I'm not coming."

I got up and walked out of the room, feeling as though I had won.



As I walked out of the room I took a left turn and walked inconspicuously to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ricky!"

"Yeah what?" the seven foot tall wrestler was hiding fireworks in the bathroom ceiling.

"Bundy totally bought it."

"Really?"

"Hook line and sinker."

"That’s great."

I had been worrying about Ricky. I'm glad to see that he can be trusted as a henchman. This is perfect.



-----LATER THAT AFTERNOON-------

The janitor walked in to the bathroom and began spreading chemical disinfectant all over the floor and toilets. A common misconception, the bathrooms were cleaned, just not cleaned well. After his work he decided to light a cigarette and admire his work. He was about halfway through his smoke when the end of his cigarette fell to the floor. The cleaning fluid immediately combusted and the janitors last thought was, I guess that heaven has bathrooms to. He looked up and saw the light. The ceiling had caught alight. Suddenly he heard a huge explosion. The fireworks went off. He felt the air rushing from his lungs as the explosion absorbed oxygen like a sponge. The flames were extinguished as precious air was wrenched away. The janitors ears popped and all of the sudden the world disappeared into a field of spots. He blacked out. The next day he woke up to find the floors charred but not burned. He pulled himself to his feet and called the police.

In the official news report, a pipe leading to the boiler had burst and gasoline had caused the fire, but luckily the arsenic in the ceiling had put it out quickly and efficiently. However, I knew what I had done. I David Berkowitz had saved a life. Now it's official. I am better than you or anyone else. I'd like to see you swoop in and save the day like I did. Ha Ha!





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