April 3, 2010
By Anonymous

She sat in her room. The last 6 months of her life, she had stupidly thrown away the day before. It was August, and the days were becoming hot and humid…and she was just sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of sadness. At night, she would cry herself to sleep, and whenever she was home alone, she couldn’t stop the tears then either. Music was her escape. And prayer.

First, she would surf the internet for sad songs, just to make her cry because it gave her hope she could still feel. Then, she’d pray that her pain be taken away, that everything would go back to normal.

It’s not smart, she knew, to feel this depressed over a boy but, of course, she couldn’t help it. If she had known breaking it off with one boy would cause her so much desolation she wouldn’t have spoken the fateful words. She would’ve known better than to do it. But no, she hadn’t and she sat at home, draining herself of all of her tears, while her boy…ex-boyfriend had no remorse in his heart.

Why would he though? What did he have to regret? SHE had broken up with HIM, she regretted her life right now, not him. She wanted someone to share her pain, or help her ease it. If someone could just help her not feel so alone, she’d be happy. But when she separated herself from the world, the world just ran away. It was understandable, but at the time, she felt lost and as if nobody wanted her.

She built a wall around her heart, and became stronger and stronger…in time. After a whole summer of crying, the tears came less and less. That was just because she was running out of the strength to cry all the time…not because she wasn’t as sad.

Others thought her stupid because it had only been six months…a stupid, silly, non-important relationship. But to her, it had meant the world. To her, it had been the reason for the smile on her face each and everyday. Now with him gone, and her knowing it was all her fault, she wanted it all back…she wanted to take it all back and never have any regrets ever again.

Seeing him everyday just dug a rut that grew with each minute she was around him. With each joke he told, and with each time he made her even think of smiling, her heart was slowly breaking in two, and soon it would pass the point of being healed at all. She knew that she had to separate herself as much as she could from him, she knew that would be the only way her heart would fix itself. How could she though? She couldn’t bear giving up the thought of him permanently.

She did though.

The hardest thing she ever had to do.

After the new year, her soul, mind, and heart seemed to have mended itself. Like putting a patch on a hole in an old pair of jeans. It could easily break again, but with if the edges weren’t tugged at very hard, it would make it through.

It’s been two years, and she’s found herself. She has a lot more life to live, but it’s okay because her heart isn’t breaking anymore, and she knows she’s strong enough to get through anymore heartbreak that may come her way. She knows it, and she will never make the same mistake twice.

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