Lost in Silence

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Before too long, nothing looks the same in your eyes anymore. Things that used to make you smile now seem incredibly mundane. You used to do things because you wanted to; suddenly everything seems like a chore, like it's expected of you. As the colors around you grow duller, you keep quiet; scared of the road you're headed down but not wanting to speak up. Not wanting to be a bother.

Little things become big things. Sitting for five minutes and focusing on what is being said becomes, quite literally, impossible. Still, those around you have faith in you. "You can do it," they say, smiling at you before turning away, as if their thoughts have ended the conversation. You stammer out an agreement even though they've stopped listening, but you don't mind. Other people have lives to live, other people are happy. It is not the world's job to cater to you. If you cannot take care of yourself, you will fall. You think these things and still you remain quiet.

People begin to worry. Suddenly, everyone's constantly asking if you're feeling ok. You don't smile when greeting someone, you fail to laugh at a joke. All telltale signs of something wrong. Something...but what? You're not sure how to answer when they ask anymore. You could say, "Yes," and that would be the end of it. Or you could say, "No," which is the truth, but then comes the dreaded explanation. Every student across the world will tell you that the answer to any question is easy, until you see the word "Explain." written on your paper. One word. You have no explanation. Your throat is dry as you smile and say, "Yes." Yes requires no explanation. Not wanting to reveal yourself, not wanting to speak up when you're in so much pain that can't be explained away...You. Remain. Silent.

You cry. Why? Who knows. When no one's looking, (which, as time passes, seems to be the majority of your time) you cry. Occasionally, someone is looking. You can't avoid "Explain." You do explain, and as you do you hate yourself. Why are you crying over something so stupid, so mundane? The one who watched you cry is sorry for you. You don't want sorry's. You want answers. You receive none. And so you remain silent.

You can't remember the last time you've smiled. Your body is now in defensive mode, as if it's afraid of how far gone you are. Every time your mind wanders down a dark path, your brain pulls it back, refusing to go there. Desperately, your soul tries to understand what is happening so it can protect itself. The sadness is there, like a cloud. It wards people away now. No one wants to talk to someone who constantly has a storm cloud over their head. Happy people stop talking to you, you feel horrible for ever having let them down. Deep down there is anger...anger that you've been abandoned, even though you haven't. You can't justify your thoughts. So why, WHY feel this way? You bite the anger, hold it down. Angry at your mind for thinking things it shouldn't be thinking, you remain silent.

Eventually, you reach a point at which you've forgotten how to speak. The Silence wins over you, paralyzing your limbs. Your screams for help become desperate, frantic…but no one can hear you anymore. And so, you who were once loud and proud, you who once had the world at your fingers, you who once stood so high and watched the world around you with so much love and fascination…you are lost in Silence.

Who will save you now?





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