First drop all the exercise programs that occupy your day. Stop walking. Take the elevator and the bus. Go to the nearest bake shop to begin your training, by pushing your face against the glass until your drool effects your sight of that huge German chocolate-fudge triple layer. Count all the price tabs, and be prepared for the money that’s going to come out of your pocket. Trade in your bike and buy a car and drive to the Fred Meyers that’s only a block away. Hit the bakery section the second you walk in. Stare at the cheapest slices of cake until you find one that fits your craving. Grab it and walk to the furthest deli table, grabbing the nearest utensil and crack that baby open.
Next shove the first bite into your mouth with utter enjoyment. Indulge until the containers clean. Quickly throw the evidence away and take the candy aisle to the exit. Invest in larger clothes; you’re going to need them. For two weeks straight eat different kinds of cake in multiple and single sittings. Buy large cakes at the bakery for midnight snacks. Eat a carrot cake muffin with cream cheese frosting every morning for breakfast. Drink lots of Mt. Dew. Believe in candy, soda, and energy drinks.
After a couple of months your sixe will have increased dramatically and you’re now eating a single layer cake a day. Normal food makes you sick. Water tastes like cough syrup. Walking further then the parking lot makes you out of breath. Finally after hitting the obese marker in society, and have your doctors in shock from the sudden weight gain you have reached the ultimate cake addict. Now sit down, enjoy that fluffy piece of lemon cake with chocolate frosting and think of how gross you have become. Good job! =D