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Boys, Diets, and A Wedding Cake

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The wind is smacking against my face as I run on the highway right outside my house. My goal is to lose 20 Lbs. by the start of my senior year in high school this September. I’m not fat, but I’m tired of my mom yelling at me for my extra meat, flabby thighs, and my big-as-Texas ***. Anyway, I’m not a big fan of running, but when you’re surrounded by toothpicks for friends, and sticks for siblings, it’s something I have to do. There’s a problem though, I love food! Cookies blasted with chocolate chips, chicken drenched in oil and fried to perfection, and cake covered in fluffy confetti frosting. My sisters and friends can eat whatever they want, but when I even look at a sprinkle, I gain 5 lbs. Sweat is pouring off my face, and I’m not even past my mailbox yet. I have a lot of work to do, if I want to lose 20 pounds in 3 months.
***

Earlier that day, I was sitting in a vinyl booth with my best friend, Lexi. We’re eating chicken tenders, and onion rings; my favorite meal in the universe.

I leaned over and whispered, “I’m trying to lose 20 lbs. by September.”

She laughed and looked at me with that weird look, the same look she gave me when I told her I was going to wear the pungent, sweat-lined mascot head for the pep rally last year. “Are you serious? You don’t need to lose weight.”

“Yes, I’m serious.”

“Now I know you’re kidding, because you’re never serious, EVER!”

“Lex, please. I need to lose 20 pounds by the end of summer, but you have to help me. When I want cake, you give me a carrot, when I want to watch TV, you grab me and pull me outside to run.”

“Brit, I don’t know about this.”

“Please! I’m begging you. You’ve been my friend since third grade, you’re the only one I can trust to follow through.”

“Why didn’t you ask Car?”

“Car, really? She’s too obsessed with her new boy-toy, Ryan, to pay attention to me.”

“What about Dani?”

“Come on Lex. You know she’s a bottle of raging hormones right now.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about her sexapade with Collin. Anyway, uhhh, fine, but I’m happy about it.”

“Well you don’t have to be happy about it, you just have to help me, but first, let’s go to mall. There’s something at the TOYS 4 BOYS store, that I’ve had my eye on.”

***

I jump into the passenger side of Lexi’s, spankin-new blue-ice convertible with its gray leather seats. It’s a sweet ride, if I’ve ever seen one. It’s a ten minute drive from Slinky’s Dine in and Dine out to the mall. Suddenly she stops short.

“What’s up Lex?”

“Um, look out the window.”

“Is it another deer?”

“No, it’s a little more tastier than that.”

“A cow in the middle of the road?”

“NO! Just look out the window. You have to see this for yourself.”

“Holy monkey-paste. There’s a wedding cake in the middle of the road!”

“I told you! Where the hell did that come from?”

“I don’t know. Just go around it.”

She put the car in drive and looped around it. Almost hitting the barricade in the middle of the two sided highway. Finally we made it to the mall, but there was no parking spot available, suddenly a black escalade pulled out. SWEET! A front row parking spot. I jumped out of the car and bolted towards the door, leaving Lexi behind. I ran to the directory and looked up toys. Perfect. TOYS 4 BOYS is on the second floor next to the Perfume Bouquet store. I nearly pushed people out of my way to get to the escalator and skipped three stairs at a time once I got there. In illuminated red letters staring me in the face was the TOYS 4 BOYS sign. I was too scared to go in, but standing at the counter was my dream with blonde scruffy hair, greenish-blue eyes, perfect skin, and wearing a purple Quick Silver t-shirt. As I stood there drooling, he smiled at me. His teeth were perfectly straight, and were whiter than a new pair of white socks. He was perfect. I got the courage to walk in, but I soon realized he wasn’t smiling at me, at all. He was smiling at the modeless women behind me with her washboard abs poking out of her green tube top, and her fake boobs spilling over the top. I slinked out of the store and located Lexi who was sitting at the counter of the You Scream for Ice-cream Shop.

“How’d it go?” Lex asked as she stuffed her face with a banana split.

“Let’s just go. I have some running and sit-ups to do.”
***

If I wasn’t determined before to lose weight, I was now. I’m still running on the high way outside of my house. I don’t think this diet and exercise thing is working because I’m running to the Dunkin Donuts, but it’s still running, right? Lexi is running beside me. She doesn’t need to run, she’s a fricken size zero, but she’s my friend, and she has no choice.

“Come on Brit! Run faster. You want that donut, don’t you?”

I didn’t speak. I was too out of breath. I just kept running. I ran faster and there was now a full football field between Lex and I. When you mention dessert, SEE YA! I’ll be gone before you finish your sentence.
The trees were swaying and the wind was picking up speed. It felt cool on my sweaty face. I stopped running and put my hands on my knees. I took a deep breath and continued to run. All of a sudden I stopped short. Lex caught up with me and ran into my back, and I fell forward, landing face first into a green and purple, confetti frosted, wedding cake! That’s an odd choice for a wedding cake, but nevertheless, if this cake keeps showing up, I won’t lose 20 lbs in ten years, let alone, three months. Screw diets, and exercise, give me the fricken wedding cake!





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