the fall: a tribute

February 4, 2010
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You’ve been looking forward to this day for quite a while now, ever since the day you first heard him sing. Some describe it as life-changing, that your love will gain a richer meaning once you finally see it for yourself. You can’t help but feel that for you, it will be different; it will mean so much more because though the millions scream, I’ll know you'll see each subtlety is understood by me.
When you get there, fellow believers are lined around the block, waiting. It shocks you that the sacred covenant you’ve held for so long was shared with hundreds of others. What follows has lead me to this place where I belong, with all erased. You wish you knew them, any of them. You know instinctively that these strangers are closer to you in a second then those who’ve known you for years. You discover what it’s like, being a part of something that is so much bigger than you are. This community, it has come together through the purest and simplest kind of love; that of utter devotion.
The line moves swiftly and you’re in. It’s a simple stage, an altar of necessity; no opulent gestures of grandeur here. People file in, keeping a respectful distance from each other despite the close quarters. None look the same; young, dark, wrinkled, fat, tired, innocent, borderline frightening. Behind you, a man with lurid yellow eyes blinks; traces of eyeliner run down his cheeks like tears. Behind him, a little girl is carried by her father, sleeping on his shoulder. Groups of teenagers abound, people who would have intimidated you anywhere else but not here. We have found sacred ground. A buzz of anticipation fills you, along with a swelling of love unlike anything you’ve ever felt.
You’ve been standing for a while now, and it’s getting late. There’s no doubt in your mind that this will be nothing less then expected, for after all this night has only just begun; if there's discretion that you've not abandoned, now's the time. You wait and wait and wait and then the lights dim and the crowd roars screaming for pure love.
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer and I'll beg for forgiveness but your trembling is cut short as they rush forward around you, carry you closer and closer like lodestones to a magnet of infinite power. Inhibitions are shed like second skins and you are lifted off of your feet, at once a part of a living, breathing thing, a creature whose heart beats in every chest.
You can hardly believe your eyes. You’ve heard that idolatry is a sin but right now it seems like the only logical thing to do, to throw yourself down and just be interminably thankful. The lights dazzle, lights like rain, dance and explode and frame him like a halo. He speaks and you listen. He speaks and you sing.
He kneels and reaches out; hands gravitate towards him, reaching for salvation. His voice is a maelstrom of intensity that draws you in, arrests you in time. He bit my lip and drank my war from years before, and any anger you may have once harbored becomes pure euphoria.
You’ve never been a proponent of blind faith but you feel yourself, falling. It isn’t, but religious experience are the first words that come to your mind. “Areyouinorareyouout? Youcan'twineitherway,”he said, “Butthefallwillbefantasticandwhat’sleftisnothinglessthanperfection.”
For the first time, you truly understand the appeal of a greater power. You know that you will listen to everything he says and feel nothing but bliss. Nothing could be more right. This is the fall, this is the long way down and our lives looked smaller now, and our lives looked so small.
Everyone, everyone knows them; the words. They fill the air around you, they started far off... but they resound, as sharp as they sound. You can't mistake the sound. And all this time you thought you were one of few, but you were not the first soul to be enlightened and you won’t be the last. You sing with them, with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey.

Your catharsis is only just begun.





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