How Could You?! How Could I...

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My heart has been broken into thousands of pieces, and scattered everywhere.
You have carelessly shredded my heart into thousands of painful emotions, not knowing that deep down you still cared for me. You just stood there, and wretched my heart out of its love, slowly yet ever so painfully… it was so hard. You just don’t understand. I stood there, wishing that everything could go back to normal, how it was before, without any problems, fiasco-free… but no, this is the reality, whether I like it or not. The killing reality. I just stood there, and watched, watched how you and the traitor walked carelessly to the car, not even glancing back, and got in it. No, you never even glanced back as you got in, walking, walking alongside, with the traitor. The traitor, the one who will ruin your life. The one who ruined mine. The one, who will copy you, will steal your friends away from you, one by one, by pretending to be a much better you, causing you to feel inadequately-
How could I have ever believed that you were my friend? How could I have been so stupid, to have looked right through your evilness, and seen your laughter? How could I just let you copy me, repeat the words I say? How could I let you become me..? How could I!?
How could I have seen right through you? You just stood there, and all I saw was the traitor. How could I just stand by the traitor, and let you be? How could I have just talked relentlessly about you, thinking that this –traitor, yes, how could I have ever thought that this traitor!!! How could I?! How could I have believed that this traitor was the source of conclusion to my problems? How could I! And you let me. You just stood aside while I poured out my hearts content to the traitor. How could you..? How could I..?
My heart is torn, torn and searing with the pain that has been kept locked up inside of me, locked up with a key of ignorance. All the pain that you ever caused me, that I have just kindly decided to look through, it has returned. It is here, once residing, now furiously brimming with such pain and anger and hurt, hurt that is not even describable. How dare you. How bloody dare you. Do you not understand the feeling of pain? Do you not even have the vaguest idea of it must feel like, to watch the one whom you love with your whole heart, be leered away to the traitor’s den?

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A huge wave of anger, too fierce to describe, flushed through me, and I glared. I watched closely, examining the scene in front of me: Anthea, glancing at me once in a while, looking like the cat that got its cream, talking with Serena, who stood there, leaning against the door, listening intently. My Nightmare coming truer by the day. All I wanted to do was look away, and I wished that I could, but my eyes stayed fixed to my friends, as if someone had put a spell on me. She finished talking, and I looked away, and slammed my fists into the wall as hard as I could. I could feel the tears rushing up to my eyes, but I blinked them away; Now’s not a good time to show emotions. Turning round, I knew I had to face them, because the only way out from the building was through the door- the same one my so-called ‘friends’ were talking at. I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself down. All I have to do is walk straight through the door, and not to look at either of them, I thought to myself. Easy as it may sound, it was much harder than I had expected. As soon as I had taken one step towards the door, the wave came crashing through me yet again, causing me to yelp. Anthea turned to look at me, and it’s as if something has clicked inside of me, because all I want to do, was run, and as violent it may seem, hit, smack and slap her so hard in the face that she would rot away in hell, and I could live in peace. She was looking at me, wearing the most devious smirk I had ever seen. I wanted to puke. I took another step, and stopped. Serena, too, had turned and was looking at me very strangely indeed. I don’t blame her, of course, I was acting really weirdly. Yet the anger stayed at its peak, and I wanted to slap Serena as well, though not for the same reason as Anthea. I wanted to slap her hard on the cheek so she could wake up and come to her senses, and realize what she’s doing, befriending The Traitor. I started to raise my arm, slowly but surely, when I paused. Deep down, my instinct told me this was wrong. Why was I going to hurt her, if she was also a victim of The Traitor? No, Anthea was the bully. I turned to her, and began the countdown, Ready, Steady- But I knew that I just had to keep on walking, breath and leave, before I cause damage to anyone or anything. I blinked and sucked in my breath as hard as I could so my eyes almost popped out, and strode through the door.





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