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The inspiration has left me.

I wish I could say I did not know why. But I do know. I know very well. And it saddens me beyond belief.

I beg it to come back. I carry my pad and pen with me to all places, at all times. I sit in locations where inspiration would be common for long, long hours. I free up my time, an hour a day at least, where I sit silently and wait, lest an idea, forgotten somewhere in the recesses of my mind, should come back.

But it does not. The ideas do not head my desperate calls. The inspiration has left me.

This is not how it always was. Before, the inspiration was a constant thing, never ceasing to nag at my mind. Ever present. Before, if an idea came to me and no paper was in my possession, I would quickly, quickly and urgently, find something to write it on. Even a napkin would do. And if I was even at a loss for that, then I would write the idea on my own skin. Sometimes the writing wouldn’t fade away from my arm for weeks.

But none of that bothered me. I was happy…..enough. I knew there was something missing in my life, though the joy I felt in writing was more than sufficient to bring many a smile to my face. But I knew I was missing love.

Funny, isn’t it, how twisted your image of something could be? How you can long for something, believe with every fiber of your being that if you had it, your life would be simply perfect…..yet, when it arrives, it only brings misery?

Quite.

Oh, I found love. Perhaps a more suitable expression would be that it found me. He found me.

But the story of our joining is not relevant now. Or is it? I would be quite deceitful if I said I could answer that question. For I can’t, no more than I could find those ideas. Tiny events that would trigger a tiny lever in my brain, a lever that would open up a hatch, where ideas would come springing out as if they had been contained in the hatch for centuries. Centuries, I say! They would hop and hop about, and I’d write them all down, just to satisfy their urgent needs, just so they would quiet down.

The tiny events are still there. And so is the hatch. It’s the lever that’s missing.

The lever that my lover stole from me.

I love him so much. Oh, God truly knows how much I love him. He was my life, as I once was his. I remember the day he first said he loved me….he said, “I know now why I was brought to this earth. For you.”

That was the way he acted, too. He’d look at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. He’d sometimes do strange things, like absentmindedly grasping my hand or stroking my hair. And when I inquired as to why this was, he’d smile and say that he did so to make sure I wasn’t a dream.

We completed each other.

It baffles me how a love so flawless can collapse. Perhaps, if things such as this could fail, then there is no such thing as perfection.

I have just now, just now, my friend, realized that I am actually writing this down on paper.

Could the ideas be coming back?

Oh no. My heart just sank again, after it briefly rose. It is because I know that this is not an idea. This is not inspiration. This is not something that popped out of my hatch. This is not a fictional story I am writing about a girl named Kim or Sarah or Jeanette. Or better yet, a story about a quite romantic hero who is mourning over the parting of his beloved.

This is real. This is happening to me.

I think I truly understand it now. I know how it’s better not to have something at all, then to have it, enjoy it’s beauty and perfection and completion, and, after you’ve come to depend on it, have it mercilessly snatched away.

The inspiration has left me. The inspiration has left me.



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This article has 44 comments. Post your own!

MercedesXO said...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 9:55 am:

i realllyyyy enjoyed this. and i know EXACTLY how you feel!! about "loosing the inspiration". i thought i had lost it too, but sometimes it just escapes us for a while..it will come back. once a writer, always a writer. once a creator, always a creator. so wait till it finds YOU again, don't go searching for it..and you might just find that it was there all along:)

nice piece.

 
MissFaber replied...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 4:15 pm :
I get you. Although I did not mean the phrase "The inspiration has left me" literally.. I meant it as an analogy to losing the guy. But I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for commenting! :)
 
MercedesXO replied...
Oct. 11, 2010 at 6:44 pm :
ohhh, lol alright. my bad for misenterpreting. oops. haha. and it's still great tho. and your welcome!
 
MissFaber replied...
Dec. 23, 2010 at 9:38 am :
No problemm, it can be interpreted in many ways.
 
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agtha.shellen said...
Sept. 29, 2010 at 4:32 pm:
What more can I say??? I like it but you have better work than this one.
 
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jason92 said...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 10:40 am:
Wow. That was VIVID. It takes skill to write so.... emphatically. It was so rich in emotion. This piece just blew me away!
 
MissFaber replied...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 3:39 pm :
I'm glad my humble writing had that kind of effect!
 
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imrighthereyouknow said...
May 24, 2010 at 6:35 pm:
I LOVE THIS!!!!! 5 stars!!
 
MissFaber replied...
May 25, 2010 at 4:15 pm :
I'm glad you liked it!
 
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emilyjoeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 17, 2010 at 3:51 pm:
this is incredible! i really like your style of writing. throughout this i kept thinking that it seemed so very similar to the way i write. excellent job. keep writing (:
 
MissFaber replied...
May 20, 2010 at 7:55 am :
thank you... I'll keep writing, and i say the same thing to everybody else. Don't stop writing!
 
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Jhinz14 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 7:27 pm:

I thought this was good piece.  Honestly, I don't finish reading a lot of stories on this site because not a lot of them hold my interest.  But this did.  You did a really nice job and I like your style.

I appreciate the nice comments on my story.  I'm glad you asked me to take a look at your stuff because I really enjoyed this piece. 

 
MissFaber replied...
May 3, 2010 at 10:32 am :
I appreciate your comments as well! I'm glad the narrative was riveting enough to hold your attention lol. Thanks for commenting :)
 
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soccercrazy said...
Apr. 24, 2010 at 1:24 pm:
the only way i know that this is not, in fact, nonfiction, is that it is in the fiction section. your writing has made me feel like i am the one you speak of, like i am missing inspiration because i traded it for love. i love it so much! great writing, great imagery, great everything! =D
 
MissFaber replied...
Apr. 25, 2010 at 2:13 pm :
thank you thank you thank you! Everything I write comes straight from the heart, and I tried to make this piece easy to relate to. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this
 
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The~crayon~in~my~heart said...
Apr. 4, 2010 at 7:25 pm:
i confess- im hooked to all of your writing! some bits are kinda cliche but still good! love the feeling- just so you know-all great writing has the best feeling
 
MissFaber replied...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 10:17 am :
Thank you so much... I'm glad my writing makes people feel good. Could you tell me what you meant by some of my pieces being cliche? I like constructive criticism
 
The~crayon~in~my~heart replied...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 6:47 pm :
the part about missing love- alot of writers have said that and it doesnt flow the best with the rest of it.If you want to say that. write it a different , more unique way
 
MissFaber replied...
Apr. 6, 2010 at 2:40 pm :
Yeah I get what you mean.. I tried to make it sound different with the parrelislism about how the inspiration is missing, not love. Thanks for the criticism!!
 
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elfiewrites said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:42 pm:
This is soooooo true, but so well-written! Keep on writing! I would love if you could comment on my work too. Thanks so much
 
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